Monday, December 31, 2012

Consecrate This Pain

Introduction: this poem is about those bittersweet times when unconditional love asks us to let go of someone we love, someone we loved more then we could've ever imagined.
Its also about pain, pain is inevitable in life, and we have to not resist it, not bottle it, but let it tear through us, let it crack our hearts wide open, to cry, to let the energy move and pass. We can dedicate our pain to the healing of others, and then, somehow it becomes a blessing to feel it, for the sake of someone we love.CONSECRATE THIS PAIN
-Laura Harrison
  I'm sorry I didn't have the strength to let you go,As soon as I knew.
I could see
Were struggling
To open up to me

I knew long before..
Before I had the strength to let you go
I promise
To listen
Much sooner
Much sooner
Forever more.
I dragged it out,
I had to doubt,
But I knew you weren't mine to hold,
I just wanted you to be,
So badly.
I am open, I trust fully,
I trust in you, myself, and in reality,

In honoring the way you needed to pull away
And disconnect from me,
I realized just how much you've come to mean to me.

But for weeks it was a burden
That you didn't need to bare
And it tears my heart to shreds
So if I truly care, then
My only choice
Was to silence the voice
Of my growing love for you,
And since I love you more then my own need
The only right thing was to follow through,
Let go of you,
And hope my absence helps your healing speed.

I know its right, and my heart is true,
And I will dedicate this suffering to you..
I wish for your own peace more then my own. I consecrate this pain,
To take the weight off you,
May every tear I cry
Help to set you free,
You owe me nothing,
But this your gift from me
So let me take the pain for you,
Let me bare the burden,
May my suffering set you free..
Let my agony,
Cleanse your own,
I want to do this for you,
Even if you will never love me.

I may be far away,
But I know we are all energy,
And in my deep desire to serve you,
May my devastation set you free.
i'm not alone. But I miss you. I wish that I could kiss you. I wish that I could be the one to hold and console, but painfully for me, that doesn't seem to be my role.  That is not my reality.

And for you
I'd keep living with this pain,
As long as you need,
I'll keep crying myself to sleep,
And missing your warmth,
And pray that the love was not a fantasy.

And that you'll be back for me.
 And even if it was,
I wouldn't change a thing,
To know you is an amazing gift,
You have changed everything.

I won't dwell, longer then my stay, this time.
I won't hold on to the pain,
It won't take me under,
But the agony comes in waves,
And I can't help but cry,
I refuse to let it take me asunder,
This pain will only open my heart wider,
And if and when you're ready for me,
I'll only be stronger,
shine brighter,
And we'll both be
glad I set you free.

Friday, December 28, 2012

Embarrassment As Teacher (and exploration of Gunas)

Written for Healing Springs Journal's Feb/March 2013 issue:

The Role of Embarrassment As Teacher
and exploring the Gunas to understand energy and experiences in spiritual growth

by Laura Harrison

It hurts to be embarrassed by our actions. It burns our hearts to make mistakes, it is a complete and almost unbearable form of vulnerability, belly exposed and everyone can see our fallibility. Most people stop there, dwell, form hardened scars, and carry a heavy collection of regrets. But this is not where consciousness is asking us to stop, that is not the intended usage of such experiences. Instead, we stop, and feel that pain, and sit with it, recognizing it, and openly observe. Pieces settle into place. We can journal, talk to friends, practice meditation, energy healing, or yoga asanas. We can connect with animals or nature, walking and hiking, or sitting peacefully. We can think, and we can more importantly cultivate spaciousness... the spaces between the thoughts, and the pieces fall into place, insight arises, and the pain has become an agent for our spiritual development.

The regular and unconscious response to pain and discomfort is to avoid it. We tense against it, we close.. this is resistance. We learn in the path of mindfulness to instead open wider, to offer NO resisitance as we observe all phenomena, all experiences equally without judgment or favoring. What happens when we cease to resist the pain, is that we feel it more accutely and intensely, but it leaves us more open, more free, and more conscious. We can learn from the pain- the sting of embarrassment teaches us not to repeat the same mistakes, like the memory of a burned hand teaches us not to touch a hot pan, or the memory of food poisoning provides a visceral reminder to be more cautious of what we eat.

The evolution of consciousness that we are all undertaking as embodied souls requires this trial-and-error process. As we raise our awareness, as our energy changes, that which used to serve us no longer does. Old habits that were real and important and part of us before, are no longer connected to who we are. These ghosts need to be released. This requires a humbling sense of openess and flexibility of mind, and it can be hard to imagine that those who know us can adapt as our personality evolves with us. However, people connect, disconnect, and sometimes reconnect as their energies are harmonious or disharmonious. Fear of loneliness cannot prevent our evolution, because when one person leaves, another will come. We are here to live our truth, no matter what the cost. And furthermore, if we do not live our truth, we will suffer deep inside, and that suffering will grow like a disease and eventually cause so much ugliness and hurt that we will begin to take it out on others. It never does us or others justice to maintain falseness.  

Spirtiual Puberty

This process of uncomfortable yet delightful evolution is almost like puberty.. with all the awkwardness and embarrassment, confusion, agonizing discomfort, getting lost, figuring, exploring and blossoming into deeper and deeper levels of confidence, strength, and more palpable connections to inner rightness and truth. Just like puberty, the changes are happening, if we wish them to or not. It makes it harder if we fight reality, and since that would be futile, it only makes sense to open wider and wider to the painful but beautiful lessons we earn.

Everything happens in natural cycles; seasons of light and dark, birth and death and rebirth. Life in the physical is filled with nested spirals of evolution; microcosms tucked majestically into macrocosms. Linear paths are typically human in invention, everything else spirals around and around. Forgetting and remembering are part of the journey. Loneliness and rediscovery of interconnection are part of the path as well. As are mistakes and forgiveness

In yoga philosophy, the Gunas are used as a handy way of discussing different qualities in energy. Our cycles of evolution can be seen and understood more with the help of these ideas. Don't worry about grasping the idea and labelling things.. let it help you to articulate what you already feel in your experiences.

The Gunas

There are three gunas. All three are present in all of us, but certain energies, people, or actions can have a strong dominance of one guna in particular. Remember that these labels are to help you articulate and process what you feel, so maybe meditate on an example of each and feel the differences in the qualities of energy.

Tamas is the guna of stillness, of lethargy, of delusion, darkness and depression. It is present in aparent solidness and stagnation. It is part of the "darkness" of negativity, the delusion that we are seperate and the objectifiying other beings and taking advantage of them out of fear or greed. Depression and being overweight are states of excess tamas as heaviness. Tamas is also present in sleep and consistancy, so it is not all negative.

Rajas is excited movement. It is nervous energy, anxiety, scattered or flighty minds. It is like too much caffeine or hyperactivity. It is the inability to sit still, the need to be in constant motion or stimulation. It is chaotic and can be draining because it is unguided. It is abundant, unfocused energy.

Sattva is extreme energy, but where rajas is also extreme energy, rajas is out of balance, and sattva is in balance, focusing that energy into one flow, like a laser. Sattva is considered the higher and lighter state of energy and it is the goal to cultivate an abundance of sattva versus rajas or tamas, according to Vedic philosophy. It is great peace, great love, the ability to accept what is in each moment without fear or resistance.

 The trick is that we can demonize all the other states of being. We can demonize the pain of embarrassment. We can demonize ourselves for learning slowly over many painful experiences, but it doesn't make sense to kill the messenger, to hate the process, the journey. Life IS a journey, your everyday life is your spiritual path. Vacation isn't the only time to be free and accept the flow. Its here and now. In the painful AND blissful experiences of life alike, we are evolving, growing, and becoming free of all the chains we've allowed to bind us.  In every moment we are living our life, choosing how to write our story. And it takes patience, acceptance, and experiences of all kinds to hone the spirit in its interface with the physical.

Without the movement of rajas, we can never transcend tamas. We learn to process the massively intense amount of spiritual energy that is present in each moment, and at first we are distracted and scattered and thrown back and forth between tamas and rajas. Then we learn to ride the ship, to yield and move with the flow in grace, and we touch sattvic states. Eventually, we rarely taste tamas, and we learn faster and faster to cultivate our rajas into sattva. We become balanced and whole again, our essential state, our Self, shines brighter then ever before. We meet our Self.

The recent universal shift in energy was from rajas to sattva I believe, that is how I am experiencing it.. so instead of being bombarded by rajas, we are becoming surronded by sattva.

Our journey is individual, but we all go through it, it is universal as well. Don't hold too tightly to anything, let it all flow through you and your experience, and as it does. Drop the judgement. Drop the false sense of control. Drop all the ideas of saving face, or what your face really is. Who you are is a constantly refreshed river, always new. Open wide and let pain and pleasure, highs and lows teach you, they burn off all that is no longer serving your journey and fll you with fresh love and light. Balance dilligence and receptivity, and you will learn the dance. Let the experience be your guide.

Laura Harrison is the founder of the Natural Yoga Method, and the director of Enlighten Yoga in Amsterdam, NY. She is a yoga instructor, life coach, vegan/raw chef, mom, nature lover, artist, and poet. For more information see or or call her at 518-866-3621.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

That Which Was, Is No More

That Which Was, Is No More
by Laura Harrison

Glass shatters, hope splatters
nothing else in the world matters

The heavy night sky has fallen in
and life will never be the same again

That which was, is no more
and that which is, was never before

my world has forever changed
the universe itelf has rearranged

half numb, tense, ready to fight
stomach sick, nothing is right

the heavy night sky has fallen in
and life will never be the same again

there is a vaccum in my chest
this information is putrid to digest

a chain of smoke, headache and sorrow
this heartache won't be gone tomorrow

the color from my face drains
and acid tears through my veins

my hallowed hollow body burns
my dizzy head in tired circles turns

the heavy night sky has fallen in
and life will never be the same again

That which was, is no more
and that which is, never was before.

Bloom Effortlessly

Bloom Effortlessly
by Laura Harrison

I cannot fight this rhythm
I can only open wider
as to close is to resist

to resist is to fight

to fight is to suffer

to open is to be free

Offering no resistence to the
unfolding poem of reality

disconnect from likes and dislikes
and from the masks absorbed from
external sources that long ago vyed to contain me

and I will bloom effortlessly
into my fullest beauty

On My Knees in Gratitude

On My Knees In Gratitude
by Laura Harrison

I see the pieces of my life falling into place
and I think one of those pieces may just be your face

my world is changing so fast that I can't hold on
I think that is exactly how I'm supposed to respond


let it come


each day

as my concepts and expectations are destroyed
and my plans lie in ruin
my eyes remain shining and wide
looking at the glistening moment
and I see the way
to a more genuine life
if I give up on what I think it should be

I am free

to be completely,

to BE

without constraint
without restraint
without chains or filters
or justification
or social stratification

I AM but this
one loving spark
shining my own little light
into the dark,
and if I can succeed at dropping
all greed and the pre-conceived

I can see with every cell
feel with every particle
the magnificent sublimity
and playful simplicity
and if only for a moment
glimpse the radiant web of life
weaving unlimited possibility into being.

Believing is in seeing,
when I see,
amidst all possibility,
that there is even room for you and me,
to meet,
for the Universe to bend,
in order to send,
me my every need and dream.

Life is the manifestation of miraculous reality.

Life Fully Lived

Life Fully Lived
by Laura Harrison

What have I to lose
by believing in you?

Nothing can ever exist
if we always resist
but by taking a risk
we have everything to gain

life will always be the same
and we will suffer and slowly die
secret desires and beauties lie  
locked in the basement
and our love becomes heavy with resentment
if we never really live.

I will give
you this chance to win my heart
and this very well could be the start
or just another paragraph in the story
but we will never find the glory
if we always just stay home
we need to roam
out of our comfort zone

with hearts and minds closed
nothing real
nothing as its supposed or possible to be
no energy
but with hearts and minds open
life will often betray our hoping
but by delivering things more exquisite and surreal
more blissful then we thought we'd feel

you'll never regret a life fully lived.

Revel in This Moment

Revel in This Moment
by Laura Harrison

Let go of all this thinking and knowing,
life is a flowing,
a showing.

Habits are residential,
but not essential,
they are not
look far.
deeper to see,
to feel,
your frequency...


re-invention without convention


life happens in endless cycling
re-incarnation is recycling
and vice versa
open your eye
life is diverser,
first appearances deceive,
open up to receive

lose yourself to find your Self again,
and again,
only you're always evolving,
though in your revolving,
you never find the same self twice..

..take my advice:

stop trying so hard to uphold
all the expectations of old
being yourself requires being bold

you aren't hurting others by being real
the only ones you'll anger are those yet afraid to feel
half as free
as you
allow yourself to be

being free is the name of the game
being yourself is not a shame

you have no one but yourself to blame
if you aren't happy in your daily life

compassion only grows when you are brave enough to live your truth
to rise to every occaision
to offer the standing ovation
to recognize that another's strength is NOT your weakness
is to let the beauty of others make you more beautiful

be dutiful to the truth of your own heart

stop thinking!
Love, creativity, beauty, the magical things in life are never logical
cannot be contained
in the little mind

so expand
    let go
       open wide
          like the sky

     and revel is this moment in your own way,
and revel is this moment in your own way,
          and revel is this moment in your own way.....

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Love Fed By Beauty

Love Fed By Beauty
by Laura Harrison

Love isn't as hard to figure outas we imagine
But Love isn't as simple as we're told

We're told it's gold, it's rare, that there's only so much,
so never let it out of your touch,
clench the source of your love with bitter, white-knuckled grip,
don't let it slip, breathe, fly, or be free,
because if it does there is no hope to ever be happy.

We aren't shown that its abundant, natural and free,
we aren't told love is the deeper current of reality.

We're told it only comes from ties of blood or sex,
and very special exceptions.


What vicious views that are so cold, so bold,
to try and limit something infinitely renewable,
to make us feel that its scarce.

They'll tell you, if they sell you just the right stuff,
that the love you chase will come.
That's dumb,
yet so many of us fall for it,
under the thumb,
of owning things that come to own us,
while disowning the beauty in the present moment.

Love is a state of mind, a feeling that you find,
in your OWN heart.

Seeing others in love shouldn't grate on you,
when you are in love do you enjoy when others hate on you?

Start to hope,
because love is everywhere and love is within.
And when you see the people, the places, the things as
not sources,
you begin to unravel the mystery of love,
and let it plot your courses.

Don't try to disect, to label, to catergorize,
and place your experience neatly in a box.
Thinking sanitizes it for your protection,
but is the death of the depth of life and love.

open yourself,
throw away fear, and start to see love
to you
and  through you~

love fed by the freshness of all beauty and bliss,
sprouting in every smile,
in every living thing.

To the neighsayers say nothing,
don't waste your breath,
put your finger to your lips and with a hush
and sweeping motion,
direct their doubtful gaze to the ocean of living beauty
that is the world.

If they don't get it, let the jackals fend for themselves,
don't let it crush the tender flower of your joy,
we the ripe ones will revel,
let each come to his own level.

love is NOT scarce,
love is not coming from others
viewed as objects and crutches,
and patches and drugs...

Love comes from acknowledging the unique spark of life
in bugs, plants and trees,
in people, animals, music and art,
and in all forms and faces of reality.

Love is in the seeing,

Love is fed by beauty

Love is everywhere,
in feeling everything.

The Ache

The Ache
By Laura Harrison

I witness such as ache, an abyss,
I can't dismiss, I'd be remiss
To ignore
That I long to see your smile.

But I'm not sure,
As I endure,
If you really are the solution to this disillusion.

The confusion arises when my eyes glaze over,
When my mind hazes over,
My mind slips
The moment

It's true that I long to be loved,
And its true that
I love you,
But what I'm aching for,
May be nothing more
Than the suchness I am missing,
When getting lost in reminiscing
I dismiss
The very moment in which I live.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Monday, December 24, 2012

Like a Spider's Web

Like a Spider's Web
By Laura Harrison

Love is a form of energy,
Is that Everything
Is energy

We're not given a map to understand
What lie's beyond what we see
We skim across the surface of reality
Life is filled with mystery

Purposefulness in joy and misery
Discomfort and suffering force you to seek,
New pathways,
New math, Ways
To make
Show again,
Your inner light,

Don't fight the flow,
Don't pretend to know
Unknown outcomes

Trust the moment
Trust resilience
Trust inspiration
Trust that if you turn mystery into music, into art,
It's creating golden light from the dark,

Connecting the layers of reality with silk,
Like a spider's web,
Weaving energy into meaningful beauty.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Sunday, December 23, 2012


Note: I love Anais Nin, the diarist, and others who freely expose their souls and earned wisdom for the benefit of others. So besides poetry, I'll let myself open that wide- I am an open book anyways, at least about my business. So may my therapy and self-care benefit your path as well. In love and light I offer this to the benefit of all beings.


The burn and sting of another painful lesson, as I crack further open to dissolve my weakness and bloom.. These little deaths hurt badly, but are quite necessary. Embarrassment is like a hot slap that cuts your heart open. It is a good teacher, but God it can hurt. Feel it, and let it go... Oh, but it feels like shit! Open, don't resist, open wider, let it hurt, because once you cry it out, there is more room for love and wisdom. Hurt, burn, sting, CRY, release, and become lighter and happier again. Hold onto it and sink, and hurt longer; it sucks the joy out of existence. But open wider, faster, hurt more but its gone so fast, like a storm blowing through, ravaging the land, and giving way to a beautiful and brighter day.

You make me look at myself and see not only my beauty, but so it seems, my weakness. Am I strong enough to see your greatness and solidness and to develop my own, and Not be intimidated? Your strength is Not my weakness, your beauty is Not my ugliness. It is my beauty too, but I must live up to it and sacrifice the old habits and ways. I am everything I admire. I just have to live it, and I do, I give everything to live with full trust in my deepest knowing.

I maybe did want your validation and recognition, but not anymore. That IS a desperate and ugly habit. You don't have to see me for who I am for me to know myself as good. I don't need a pat on the head to keep living as I do. I love myself and my path and my life and my world. With or without you.

But I see your greatness, and I want to let you in. I want to share the gift of me with you. I want you to know me. I am giving mySelf to you. You can seek me, maybe I tried too hard to give myself to you. I love you, so much, it's true, and we have not had our time together yet. No time just to be, feel, enjoy. Not yet.

I am so used to change that I don't understand when someone wants to stay around. Everyone has come and gone from my life, and I am ok with that. But that is why I give so hard, say so much, because, like everything else, I am prepared for you to be gone tomorrow and for me to be ok with that. I don't want that to be the case. Fear is useless and not the right path. I have stung myself again, and I have learned. Trust, not fear. So another thing you will teach me is that some people can make conscious promises and can make healthy commitments and stay around and grow together. I am not used to this.

So now already in writing this, I am more free. I have cried. I am lighter. I am shifting my energy from sad and heavy to light and bright. A shower and back to the rest of my blessed existence.

Thank you for this lesson and growth.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Monday, December 3, 2012

Don't Resist

Don't Resist
By Laura Harrison

Don't resist
Crack wide open
Cry if need be
To who you used to be
Don't try,
Just be..
Creative beauty
Flowing out of your heart
Like waterfalls
Ebbs and flows
Stops and stalls

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®