Everything works better when we make time for ourselves

Before my child was born (my first and only), I kept my life very spacious. His father worked different hours and lots of them, and I had a lot of time to myself. I liked it best that way. I stayed peaceful, vibrant, free-spirited and grounded.

I'm an only child, and always thrived with a lot of personal time. I use it in various ways- writing, reading, art, music, hiking, yoga, and so on. I have taken many spacious walks, no time limit, no destination at times, just the fresh air, earth, movement, and the rest of the world just swirling around me in its own way. Gentle and leisurely self-reflection and spacious presence are the common thread among all these varying ways to return to myself.

After all, returning to ourselves is the quest of yoga, of spare time, of life, right? Find out who and what we are and to be that fully and fearlessly is our individual purpose in life. Who we are evolves constantly, and we can direct this consciously. Carving out "spare" time gives us the necessary space required to rejuvenate, and to drop all of the erratic or negative energy and stress we have gathered from our frenzied interactions with others in the so-called real world or man-made deadlines, pretense, and insufficiency. When we do what feels good, be it cleaning our home and rearranging the furniture or taking a long hike, we clear our minds of all the past clutter, all of the stress that clogs our attention and robs us of peace, health, contentment and joy.

Our society doesn't value down-time, especially down-time spent alone or not shopping or watching TV. Self-reflection is crucial, either actively or passively (both are required), and gives us the freedom we need to re-expand into our natural state (yoga, being our unique selves fully).

I have recently realized that lately I have given up all of my down-time. And I am not well for it. I am less creative, inspired, joyful and positive. I am less pleasant, and I am not myself. I am not a horrible person, but I am not me. And I am not willing to be anything less then the most whole and vibrant version of myself possible at all times. I want my son to know me for the wonderful person I am, and I need to be my very best example for him. My sweetheart deserves the very best version of me as well. How can we expect love to thrive when we smother each other and don't have the freedom to be ourselves, evolve, and miss each other?

This is the value of independently spent, relaxing, rejuvenating, self-reflective time. It saves romantic relationships. It makes us sick less often and more satisfied in our lives. It helps us to be the most patient and loving parents possible. It makes life better, for ourselves and everyone around us. If you think that is just a little far-fetched, consider how a person's patience is inversely proportionate to their amount of inner peace. Without constructive down-time, we all become fearful, raggedy, bitchy little cobras, heads reared up, ready to attack anything and anyone that moves. Everything becomes a burden, a chore, a reason to sigh or feel on edge.

We have to trust ourselves and each other enough to allow and encourage this constructive freedom. If we want our romantic relationships to stand a chance of weathering the tests of daily life and time, we need to do this for each other. We need to require it of ourselves and each other. It is the same as parents- without time apart we have no space to miss our kids, and we do not treat them as patiently and we cannot appreciate them as thoroughly. Even if we are single without children, we have to take time from work for play. In many European nations, two-weeks vacations every year are mandatory, and no work is to be done at all, no communication from the office is allowed.

Perhaps that's why the single life is so admired by so many- its not that it is even fundamentally better then a relationship or marriage- its that it naturally involves lots of free time, and most couples, with good intentions, pave the road to their break-up with a complete lack of regular, healthy alone-time for each individual.

Life is like one of those little puzzles with the squares- without one blank square nothing else moves and nothing works.

Expand into Nature + Walk Until Your Mind Shuts Up

There is a monstrous difference in our energy when we are indoors versus being outdoors in nature. Even if you don't think of urban or suburban sidewalks as 'nature', being outside period invites our energy to return to its natural expansive state.

The Yoga Spanadakarika calls the state of self-consciousness and ignorance we typically live in a "constriction of shakti", or life energy. When we are in a state of yoga, or harmony, our shakti is expansive, we are unbound. It makes perfect sense to describe it this way: if you watch your experience, when you enter inside from the outdoors, even more noticeably when you enter a public place with chaotic energy, such as a mall, and feel your energy.  When you are anxious or uncomfortable in any way, watch your energy, the sensations you experience. Feel how your body tightens up, draws in towards the center, tenses. Our creativity is restrained, our attitude is not as positive, our confidence is often retreated within itself.  When we are feeling whole and harmonious, we tend to feel open, light, free, inspired, creative, bold, literally expansive. When we go outside, we can feel this shift, from the walls and ceilings constricting our energy to the buoyant lightness, freedom as we unfurl and merge with the sky. This is perhaps a very poetically subjective way to state the experience, but try it for yourself when you are in a sensitive state of awareness.


Being stuck in our thoughts is another form of constriction of shakti. As we withdraw into our own heads, we withdraw from our connection to the world and beings around us. As we become more openly aware of internal and external at once, more present, we expand once again to a more natural state and frequency of our energy. Walking briskly outdoors, while consciously feeling posture, breath, air, and drinking in the scenery with your eyes. Every time you notice that you are participating in thinking and the inner conversation, as soon as you are aware, come back to even just a moment of taking in the scenery with your heart and senses wide open, only space, no thoughts. You can't push the thinking out, but you can get used to not paying attention to it unless its functional. This allows you to tune your attention to a different wavelength- the wavelength of being present. After you walk a while and practice this, you will find more and more space in between the thoughts pervading your mind. You will feel less constricted, less congested, less cluttered and flustered, and instead calmer, more focused, more peaceful, energized and grateful.  It depends on how long your mind needs to settle in, but 20-60 minutes is best.

Touching nature is always beneficial for our state of mental and physical health. Try to make some sort of contact everyday, with fresh air, sunshine, movement outdoors, and walk everyday if you can. Walking is the greatest natural anti-depressant. Whenever you feel stressed, just get outside and walk until your mind shuts up.

What can I give to you?

"I exist not just for my own sake, but by my mere existence seek to somehow brighten the world around me..."

Seeking fitness, eating healthier, and practicing yoga + meditation have changed my life so for the better. I am a better version of me- so much healthier, happier, and thus kinder and more compassionate. My confidence is a million times better then it ever was, and I have so much love and joy in my life. I have so much energy, so much passion, so much experience, and all I want to do is share it. I want everyone to find the best, happiest versions of themselves and to live their lives with great passion.

What can I do to help, to be a guide or assistant on that journey?

What can I give to you? I sincerely wish you'd answer: e-mail, comments, call, write, please!

I have many ideas, but at this moment am just waiting until the right step becomes clear...

I wanted to create a very thorough DVD boxed set with everything- several practices at all levels, information about lifestyle, including healthy eating...

I would like to teach a week-long Natural Yoga Method workshop this Summer in Esperance, eventually teaching at Kripalu a couple times each year.

A couple ideas for books:

A cookbook about using healthy cooking as a way to relax and ground yourself within an otherwise hectic lifestyle.

A simple book of poems and quotes to pick up for random inspiration.

A thorough guide to living a healthier, more passionate and personally-expressive, compassionate life. It will include yoga but not just be a yoga book.

I write numerous blogs with the point of sharing insight and experiences to assist others on the path to deeper happiness. If you enjoy my writing, please follow this blog, and may it serve you.

I also post YouTube videos, on the Natural Yoga Method channel. These free insight and yoga practice videos can help you to practice at home. Please let me know if you have any requests- please!!

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I have so much to give and wish to be a resource to the Universe in its unfolding. I am just one little being, and while I have much unfolding of my own left to do, I am clear that a significant part of that blossoming lies in serving others in any way possible.

I exist not just for myself, but by my mere existence seek to brighten the world around me. In opening myself to serve others, I grow. In looking out for another's happiness, ours expands. In giving, we receive.

It can sound so trite, but open your heart and try, and tell me what is the truth of your experience? We need to dissolve the cynical shells we have developed around our hearts. They only keep love out and pain in. Our society doesn't teach us what we need to know to live passionately and with the level of fulfillment that we deserve and desire. We need to bravely carve our own paths in harmony with our individual truth. We need to respect the differences between each of us if we ever wish to find where we are the same. Inner peace, being in harmony with one's self, as Marcus Aerelius said, puts us in harmony with the Universe. Peace between us can only exist when there is harmony within us.

Please tell me what it is that I can do for you, give to you, to help you take the next step on your journey.
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