My Light and Love

This love and light that I am
Is like glass
Is like light itself pouring at the one receiving it

And this loving-light can be bright
Intense
Like a mirror
Sometimes it's a harsh experience
To be exposed
To be held accountable
Because this mirror reflects
A level of truth
Most humans never wish to know
The level of truth
That is where we are all going

And to the one seeing their reflection in the words and eyes of the mirror

It can reveal that with which they struggle most within

That which they maybe wished was hidden

All the details of your skin you wish were a secret
The imperfections, the lines

All the things you don't know how to accept

Or love
Or change
Or face
(The fears, the patterns, the times you wish to disappear)

& Yet

This mirror offers no judgement
In the brightness of the light
In the stark exposure of your defects
This mirror doesn't begrudge
Never thinks less
In fact only more

It caresses your humanity
With it's light
Filled with love
Unconditional love

Because this mirror
Has battled
Still has it's struggles
Still grows clearer
By it's own striving
Still aches
But just less than it used to
And with the peace of tested & proven faith

And it shows you what you have to look forward to
The reward of your agonizing work
As a human stepping into it's greatness and divinity

And i am still learning
So it seems
For the men closest to me
How to be true to my force
Like the ocean
Like the sun and moon
Like a wave
Like a mirror
Pouring light
Accepting no degree of falsity
And still not harm them as I scrub off their shells, as I expose their fragility

To me
Your vulnerability
Is filled with beauty
As much as your strength
Perhaps even more

I only want to let you know
You are loved
Cherished
Cradled
By my seeing
And I stand to empower
your magnificence
Because it is all I see within you
Shining back at me
Light meeting light
Mirrors reflecting souls
And like mirrors do
Two
Amplify the light
Exponentially
Greater than separately

I am not daunted by the details you call defects
Or wish to remain anonymous within
I see you as a spiritual warrior,
Being of light
But maybe in the power
And intensity
Of my light and of my love
It is an unknown force
Hard to understand

The combination is not what mere mortals tend to enjoy
Or expect
Or have the willingness to withstand

I must be authentic
I am this mirror
I want my equal mirror
To unabashedly expose me
With omniscient love
Within the light
And for us to support each other's transcendence of mortality
Into the realm of divinity

Equal partners are always equal
Not by refusing to be vulnerable
Or putting on airs
Or hoisting walls of safety
But by knowing
their wholeness and strength isn't compromised
By flowing
with the need
To lean into the other &
work out spiritual growth together
Share the burden
Shine two lights and expose solution faster

Sometimes you'll lean into my arms,
And I will stroke your hair and
pouring limitless undying love
over you like honey
Make the harshness of this lesson, this moment bearable...like love meditation

Or loving you enough to grant you sabbatical, if you need to climb the Mount Everest within alone, this is not unknown and upon that, from the distance, my light can be shone

And at times I will certainly need you to hold me,
cradle me,
surround my fragility
with the strength of your flesh and your ancient soul..
just hold me
and let me silently heal the subtle remnants of wounds from when I didn't have you..
Many years of needing to be held with no arms,
No light to see mine,
Or reflect my love,
did leave behind harm..

And typically, we'll dance,
create, escalate
into exponentially
higher realms of consciousness than we ever reached
before and much faster
and more freely
than we could have
If you and me
Weren't mirrors for each other's souls
For each other's greatness
For each other's truth
Pouring love and light
Like the sun
Over each other
Like a blessing
Like a prayer
Like divinity itself
Like the air
Weightlessly
Supporting
The life and beauty it surrounds
So gently
But so powerfully

Equal footing
Sharing the burden
Catalyzing the destruction and creation of universes within each other
And allowing space for all we need
Separately
And together

I will never again allow
Anything less than a sacred relationship

Please know
That although I expose
In the mirror
Of my heart
Everything
You are never nothing less than sacred to me
And I would love you as my spiritual practice
To grow brighter
By honoring you
And fighting the battle
To release all fear
And let love create my reality
Kiss you
Cascade my love and unending reverence upon you
Leaving divine light on your skin
And treasure you for everything that makes you
You
Divinely human
Complicated
Infinite
And unique

Overcoming Obstacles On the Path

Whatever you see the path as, a way to a healthier lifestyle, a way to more peace and happiness or a spiritual path, the ego gets in the way. This isn't the same entirely as what we normally think of as ego, it's much more subtle then that. It is getting caught in our emotions and the impulses of our mind and body as being all there is to us, forgetting that there is a deeper part to us that witnesses all of those constantly changing factors.

The ego is the part of us that is so resistant to change, so determined to not do what we know we truly want and need to do to be our best possible Self.

As I am restarting a home meditation practice, after years of mindfulness, yoga asana and other meditation practices, I am witnessing my ego throwing every trick at me. Anxious antsy boredom, fatigue, constant roving and distracted eyes... Ram Dass says that the ego pulls out those tricks right when we are about to come to a deeper state of meditation or awareness. So I smile to my silly ego, as it worries and tries to resist transformation. Its afraid of non-existence being revealed in the unknown beyond. I'm not concerned with any of that, I trust in the deeper state of my own consciousness that I'm ready to know.

Just smile to those tricks. You have time for anything that you truly need and want. You have to want it. Enlightenment or transformation won't come find you if you are too busy resisting, or pampering your resistant ego. You have to show up to be marked present. Continue on! Don't give in! Fearless! You have to really want that freedom and peace to go claim it! Namaste!

Egoic Avoidance and Time to Move On

The ego has a strong set of defense mechanisms. It is the part of us that back-paddles, self-sabotages, stalls, over-questions and throws enough excuses and doubt in the way so that we don't take the risk to try, to begin, to continue, to overcome + go beyond.

In the beginning, the ego gets in the way of our starting a program of yoga and meditation, throwing enough excuses in the way to keep us distracted. "Oh, I have too much other stuff to do. Meditation is not important enough to prioritize!" Do you really feel that way? Do you really not want to practice something that can so naturally and drastically improve not only the health of your mind and body, but also help you continuously increase your inner peace? Is it not worth what you can give, 30, 60, 90 minutes a day to become more imaginative, efficient, healthy, patient and compassionate?

Once we are on the yogic path, subtler forms of avoidance maifest as the ego feels threatened. The selfish part of us withers in the light of mindfulness, opening us to greater and greater freedom and love. Now we may have even come very far in our practice, our mindfulness and our lifestyle towards harmony with Reality. But the ego can get us stuck as long as it is still around.

Reading the words of saints, other yogis and holy books is considered important on the path to help inspire and teach us. But as many masters have said theory (which we obtain from lectures or studying books) is only a small part of the journey. An ounce of practice is like a pound of theory. The journey is 1% theory, 99% practice. There comes a point when even reading holy books is just a crutch, a form of attachment, avoidance of really going within.

Just start. No more excuses. Start living from your heart-center. Start practicing meditation and yoga postures, or other meditative practices that light your inner fire. Throw away the crutches when you are ready, you'll know when. You'll be squirming, dying to dance. Don't let your ego hold you back. Don't listen to it's excuses anymore. You can make time for whatever you really think is most important in your life. Do it, and don't let the ego's tricks convince you to stop- boredom, anxiousness, its all just crocodile tears, because your small self is afraid to dissolve into the higher Self that you really are. That's too bad, because you know that you are capable of so much more, you ARE so much more. No excuses. Accept nothing short of sat-chid-ananda for the sake of all.
Namaste!

Letting attachment go, letting them let you go

In the beginning of serious sadhana it often feels like one has to emulate what a yogi is "supposed" to do, and to some extent that is necessary. It is part of the initial purification process and paves the way for the journey to really begin.

But it is often the ego that gets some sort of rise out of "looking pure" or "acting austere". The real process unfolds as one is dedicated to practicing daily. As the consciousness is transformed, old habits lose their fulfillment. They just don't seem as good as they used to be.

Once you clean up your eating for a while, eating the old junk "treats" is not nearly as satisfying or exciting as it once was. The person that used to enjoy those habits is gone now. An important part of the path is dissolving any idea of who we are by definition of ego and attachments, such as things we like or dislike. As the path progresses it all changes faster then the weather near the Arctic Circle (pretty rapidly). Likes, dislikes, interests, etc, even the form of sadhana changes. All that stuff is constantly evolving like the consciousness. To define your sense of who you are by it is to get attached, get stuck.

As the consciousness unfolds, new choices begining to draw and old habits and choices fall away, effortlessly, like leaves from the trees in Autumn. Let them fall!

When the time is right, with consistent sadhana, habits will quit you naturally, like it or not. Don't fight it.
Encouraging healthy choices is important and takes self-control. It is part of the process of getting pure, the first steps of embarking on sadhana. However, we don't always need to struggle that hard. Isn't that to which we aspire to attain the truest effortless, intuitive harmony with the will of the Universe Itself?

Try letting the more subtle attachments finish with you in their own time.

What's really stopping you from fulfilling your intentions + potential?

As humans with human minds, the ego as it's referred to in yoga, we constantly look externally for satisfaction, for excuses, for the cause of our circumstances. Because of the weather, because of work, because of time, because of money... That's why I don't do what I otherwise intend to do. That's why I don't quit smoking, or practice daily meditation or exercise, or eat healthier or whatever else I "know I should be doing".
All of these excuses are never the main reason we don't fulfill our intentions of transforming our health and awareness. It's the part of us that makes the excuses, the ego (not all the same as the English concept of "egotistical" but just the individual identity that we wrap ourselves in like a prison), that is afraid to transform. The ego feels threatened by change. It is the part of us that sabotages our plans of positive growth. It's the part of us that would rather stay the same, even if it means suffering, because it is familiar. Beyond the familiar is unknown, and to the ego, the unknown is too frightening to be risked.

Set intentions carefully, making changes one at a time and adjusting for a time befre making new changes. One month after reinforcing your positive change daily you will feel more acustomed and comfortable. After two months you will have built momentum, but still, strong intention and guarding against the habit-energy of the ego is crucial. This is especially the case for new habits like meditation that are highly transformative. This threatens the ego's view of itself, because who you are will change, but only for the better, so there is no need to fear. Do not give in to the ego when it goes against your spiritual-heart. Control your mind, don't let it control you. This is what is referred to in the Bible by "deny thy self". It could be written as maintain self-control.

Life doesn't have to be miserably austere, but if we apply the self-control to transform ugly habits that make us suffer, and introduce new habits that allow us to soar we will become activated, inspired, fulfilled on the deeper level. It will give us greater health, inner peace and bliss. What is there to be afraid of?

By using our will power to transform and create new habits that are in line with our deepest well-being and intentions, we develop integrity. This integrity is a form of honesty with ourselves. It is in place when we live up to the urges of the spiritual-heart, which always knows what is best for us. If we can get past the ego, the small or false self, we are free to live in harmony with the Self, the deepest essence of our being. If we are in harmony with the Self, we have boundless joy, fulfillment and luminous peace.

So, what is there to fear?

"And then the day came when the pain of staying the same became greater then the fear of opening up"
~Anais Nin (paraphrased)