The Need For Communication

Silent agony
Underneath the sky
Each day lasts for days and I can't lie
Taking me to the edge of my sky
Endless eons lived in every day
But lightness returns when you make your play
Until then..
Like a glacier scraping through my heart and head
With a deep scouring occurring, nothing said
Evolution occurs and I'm forced to let go
Over and over this is the show

I can stand in my feet and so I do
I was not planning to depend on you
Too many times it's come true
You're not the rug in standing on..
Or else I can bet it'd soon be gone

Wonder, wonder, upon a star
I'm happy within and come so far
But what's this pattern going on
Is my desire for response all too wrong?

Desire, no, it's fair enough,
But Expectations are brutal stuff,
And when, and when, they're not fulfilled,
That is when my heart is spilled.
I'm high above so I won't crash,
But this edgy silence stirs backlash.
Your Silence is forcing growth but creating instability,
And a paradigm of doubting that you fully want me.

Time isn't much but it's ancient and vast,
It's only been days but I feel the contrast,
To witnessing, witnessing your rhythms and flows,
And openly seeing how everything goes.

You're an angel and of that there is not doubt,
And I had to let the pressure out.
I cannot level an offense at you,
& I do not doubt that you are true.
But I feel maybe my place is not in your heart
Us not as One as it seems at every start

And then by now I come to bed
And see that this may be just my head
But I'm not wrong, I feel it all,
But I also don't need to fall.

So exhale, exhale once again,
Trust you, trust me, and transcend.

It's not easy with such empathy,
Connected to one who prefers to be a mystery.
A couple sentences each day are not too much,
A tiny price to own my touch,
A simple way to grant me peace,

It's not my head, it is my heart,
A choice must be made to make a start,
Still resisting sharing with me your heart,
I'll hold the space but you must light the dark.

Playlist Therapy~ the powerful yoga of music and movement

Almost everyone I know is very connected to music. We choose an artist or playlist that accentuates our mood, or picks our mood up when we are low, or calms us when we are stressed. This is a form of yoga therapy.

Music powerfully moves energy through the body. The right song at the right moment can trigger a huge release of energy- I know I have had shivers singing the right song at the right moment. I have had really high peak experiences, huge energetic releases complete with flowing tears, laughter, and feeling like inside of me a storm had ended, dark clouds rolled away, and the sun came through to reveal the most perfect sunny, blue skies.

The wrong song at the wrong moment can also depress us, or focusing on music that evokes a particular downward spiral of energy can suppress, depress, and repress our energy. We can easily get almost addicted to the bitterness of sadness and keep rolling with it. It is healthy to use music to touch on pockets of sad or difficult emotions, to cry, sing, move them through, but we must be cautious not to ruminate or become stuck there. The name of the game is movement, kids. Everything in the universe is always in a state of fluidity, if we get stuck, we are not in harmony. Harmony is dynamic, harmony is dancing with the spontaneous rhythm of the universe as it unfolds.

With that thought in mind, dancing, not choreographed dancing, but spontaneous movement as an exchange with the music, letting the music move your body, letting rhythm move energy through you, is extremely theraputic. It helps get the stuck unstuck, helps release self-consciousness that binds our joy and creativity, it helps free us and inspire us. It brings our light out.

Don't take music lightly. Don't conform, listen to what moves your heart and soul, even if it is the same song 14 times in a row! Try new music to see the world through another's eyes and maybe even find a new part of yourSelf.

Playing music, if you are so inclined, singing definately, are POWERFUL means of growth and expression. Bolo, Bolo!! (sing, sing, in Sanskrit!)

Weathering the Ups + Downs and Staying Open

In order to blossom, that requires us to allow ourselves to be open. We have to stop ignoring our experience, our mental-physical-emotional experience day in and day out. We have to witness the highs of joy and ecstacy and the lows of emotional and physical pain with openess. It is intense. But anthing short of that is to die a little to life.

We have to witness our urges, our longings, our feelings, and let them show us the truth. Once you are in-love, you forever know what it feels like to be in love. The glow of timeless being togetherness, savoring of closeness and fulfilment of desire. But we rarely acknowledge that what is also part of that love is the sweet agony of longing, the painful tearing at the soul in parting, and the depth of loneliness before we find that love or when it perishes, not to mention the ecstatic bittersweet pain of longing for each other throughout the development of the relationship.

Where typical Americans are encouraged to become hardened to the raw intensity of experience in order to become more efficient, more rational, more conformed to social norms and mores, the truly conscious person goes in the other direction. Can we remove every barrier between us and reality in all its raw, fearsome, swe-striking, ambrosial beauty? Can we forge ourselves in that fiery intensity of sensation and become open to the world? This enables us to feel everything, to miss nothing, to find inner peace in all circumstances and gives us the strength to live the truth of our hearts and thus an extraordinary life with no regrets.

It requires us to witness it all. The raw, dull ache of loneliness or longing. The sharp tearing of loss. The flush of fire in embarasment and anger or injustice. The open, expansive joy of loving. The feelings of aliveness that comes in all of this. This is real life, this is reality; not the sanitized, vaccuum-sealed consumer friendly version of life that serves corporate bottom-lines well, which we are sold in our ridiculous culture. Happiness doesn't come from giving in to conformity, it comes from knowing and following your very own heart.

Stay open. Witness your experience. Talk to others or rest in stillness on your own. Connect with nature. Use powerful hobbies like music and art and writing to move the energy through you and allow it to become a creative force. Out of the force of our experience in life comes all inspiration and art. From stillness arises insight, from insight arises freedom.