Monday, December 31, 2012

Consecrate This Pain

Introduction: this poem is about those bittersweet times when unconditional love asks us to let go of someone we love, someone we loved more then we could've ever imagined.
Its also about pain, pain is inevitable in life, and we have to not resist it, not bottle it, but let it tear through us, let it crack our hearts wide open, to cry, to let the energy move and pass. We can dedicate our pain to the healing of others, and then, somehow it becomes a blessing to feel it, for the sake of someone we love.CONSECRATE THIS PAIN
-Laura Harrison
  I'm sorry I didn't have the strength to let you go,As soon as I knew.
I could see
Were struggling
To open up to me

I knew long before..
Before I had the strength to let you go
I promise
To listen
Much sooner
Much sooner
Forever more.
I dragged it out,
I had to doubt,
But I knew you weren't mine to hold,
I just wanted you to be,
So badly.
I am open, I trust fully,
I trust in you, myself, and in reality,

In honoring the way you needed to pull away
And disconnect from me,
I realized just how much you've come to mean to me.

But for weeks it was a burden
That you didn't need to bare
And it tears my heart to shreds
So if I truly care, then
My only choice
Was to silence the voice
Of my growing love for you,
And since I love you more then my own need
The only right thing was to follow through,
Let go of you,
And hope my absence helps your healing speed.

I know its right, and my heart is true,
And I will dedicate this suffering to you..
I wish for your own peace more then my own. I consecrate this pain,
To take the weight off you,
May every tear I cry
Help to set you free,
You owe me nothing,
But this your gift from me
So let me take the pain for you,
Let me bare the burden,
May my suffering set you free..
Let my agony,
Cleanse your own,
I want to do this for you,
Even if you will never love me.

I may be far away,
But I know we are all energy,
And in my deep desire to serve you,
May my devastation set you free.
i'm not alone. But I miss you. I wish that I could kiss you. I wish that I could be the one to hold and console, but painfully for me, that doesn't seem to be my role.  That is not my reality.

And for you
I'd keep living with this pain,
As long as you need,
I'll keep crying myself to sleep,
And missing your warmth,
And pray that the love was not a fantasy.

And that you'll be back for me.
 And even if it was,
I wouldn't change a thing,
To know you is an amazing gift,
You have changed everything.

I won't dwell, longer then my stay, this time.
I won't hold on to the pain,
It won't take me under,
But the agony comes in waves,
And I can't help but cry,
I refuse to let it take me asunder,
This pain will only open my heart wider,
And if and when you're ready for me,
I'll only be stronger,
shine brighter,
And we'll both be
glad I set you free.

Friday, December 28, 2012

Embarrassment As Teacher (and exploration of Gunas)

Written for Healing Springs Journal's Feb/March 2013 issue:

The Role of Embarrassment As Teacher
and exploring the Gunas to understand energy and experiences in spiritual growth

by Laura Harrison

It hurts to be embarrassed by our actions. It burns our hearts to make mistakes, it is a complete and almost unbearable form of vulnerability, belly exposed and everyone can see our fallibility. Most people stop there, dwell, form hardened scars, and carry a heavy collection of regrets. But this is not where consciousness is asking us to stop, that is not the intended usage of such experiences. Instead, we stop, and feel that pain, and sit with it, recognizing it, and openly observe. Pieces settle into place. We can journal, talk to friends, practice meditation, energy healing, or yoga asanas. We can connect with animals or nature, walking and hiking, or sitting peacefully. We can think, and we can more importantly cultivate spaciousness... the spaces between the thoughts, and the pieces fall into place, insight arises, and the pain has become an agent for our spiritual development.

The regular and unconscious response to pain and discomfort is to avoid it. We tense against it, we close.. this is resistance. We learn in the path of mindfulness to instead open wider, to offer NO resisitance as we observe all phenomena, all experiences equally without judgment or favoring. What happens when we cease to resist the pain, is that we feel it more accutely and intensely, but it leaves us more open, more free, and more conscious. We can learn from the pain- the sting of embarrassment teaches us not to repeat the same mistakes, like the memory of a burned hand teaches us not to touch a hot pan, or the memory of food poisoning provides a visceral reminder to be more cautious of what we eat.

The evolution of consciousness that we are all undertaking as embodied souls requires this trial-and-error process. As we raise our awareness, as our energy changes, that which used to serve us no longer does. Old habits that were real and important and part of us before, are no longer connected to who we are. These ghosts need to be released. This requires a humbling sense of openess and flexibility of mind, and it can be hard to imagine that those who know us can adapt as our personality evolves with us. However, people connect, disconnect, and sometimes reconnect as their energies are harmonious or disharmonious. Fear of loneliness cannot prevent our evolution, because when one person leaves, another will come. We are here to live our truth, no matter what the cost. And furthermore, if we do not live our truth, we will suffer deep inside, and that suffering will grow like a disease and eventually cause so much ugliness and hurt that we will begin to take it out on others. It never does us or others justice to maintain falseness.  

Spirtiual Puberty

This process of uncomfortable yet delightful evolution is almost like puberty.. with all the awkwardness and embarrassment, confusion, agonizing discomfort, getting lost, figuring, exploring and blossoming into deeper and deeper levels of confidence, strength, and more palpable connections to inner rightness and truth. Just like puberty, the changes are happening, if we wish them to or not. It makes it harder if we fight reality, and since that would be futile, it only makes sense to open wider and wider to the painful but beautiful lessons we earn.

Everything happens in natural cycles; seasons of light and dark, birth and death and rebirth. Life in the physical is filled with nested spirals of evolution; microcosms tucked majestically into macrocosms. Linear paths are typically human in invention, everything else spirals around and around. Forgetting and remembering are part of the journey. Loneliness and rediscovery of interconnection are part of the path as well. As are mistakes and forgiveness

In yoga philosophy, the Gunas are used as a handy way of discussing different qualities in energy. Our cycles of evolution can be seen and understood more with the help of these ideas. Don't worry about grasping the idea and labelling things.. let it help you to articulate what you already feel in your experiences.

The Gunas

There are three gunas. All three are present in all of us, but certain energies, people, or actions can have a strong dominance of one guna in particular. Remember that these labels are to help you articulate and process what you feel, so maybe meditate on an example of each and feel the differences in the qualities of energy.

Tamas is the guna of stillness, of lethargy, of delusion, darkness and depression. It is present in aparent solidness and stagnation. It is part of the "darkness" of negativity, the delusion that we are seperate and the objectifiying other beings and taking advantage of them out of fear or greed. Depression and being overweight are states of excess tamas as heaviness. Tamas is also present in sleep and consistancy, so it is not all negative.

Rajas is excited movement. It is nervous energy, anxiety, scattered or flighty minds. It is like too much caffeine or hyperactivity. It is the inability to sit still, the need to be in constant motion or stimulation. It is chaotic and can be draining because it is unguided. It is abundant, unfocused energy.

Sattva is extreme energy, but where rajas is also extreme energy, rajas is out of balance, and sattva is in balance, focusing that energy into one flow, like a laser. Sattva is considered the higher and lighter state of energy and it is the goal to cultivate an abundance of sattva versus rajas or tamas, according to Vedic philosophy. It is great peace, great love, the ability to accept what is in each moment without fear or resistance.

 The trick is that we can demonize all the other states of being. We can demonize the pain of embarrassment. We can demonize ourselves for learning slowly over many painful experiences, but it doesn't make sense to kill the messenger, to hate the process, the journey. Life IS a journey, your everyday life is your spiritual path. Vacation isn't the only time to be free and accept the flow. Its here and now. In the painful AND blissful experiences of life alike, we are evolving, growing, and becoming free of all the chains we've allowed to bind us.  In every moment we are living our life, choosing how to write our story. And it takes patience, acceptance, and experiences of all kinds to hone the spirit in its interface with the physical.

Without the movement of rajas, we can never transcend tamas. We learn to process the massively intense amount of spiritual energy that is present in each moment, and at first we are distracted and scattered and thrown back and forth between tamas and rajas. Then we learn to ride the ship, to yield and move with the flow in grace, and we touch sattvic states. Eventually, we rarely taste tamas, and we learn faster and faster to cultivate our rajas into sattva. We become balanced and whole again, our essential state, our Self, shines brighter then ever before. We meet our Self.

The recent universal shift in energy was from rajas to sattva I believe, that is how I am experiencing it.. so instead of being bombarded by rajas, we are becoming surronded by sattva.

Our journey is individual, but we all go through it, it is universal as well. Don't hold too tightly to anything, let it all flow through you and your experience, and as it does. Drop the judgement. Drop the false sense of control. Drop all the ideas of saving face, or what your face really is. Who you are is a constantly refreshed river, always new. Open wide and let pain and pleasure, highs and lows teach you, they burn off all that is no longer serving your journey and fll you with fresh love and light. Balance dilligence and receptivity, and you will learn the dance. Let the experience be your guide.

Laura Harrison is the founder of the Natural Yoga Method, and the director of Enlighten Yoga in Amsterdam, NY. She is a yoga instructor, life coach, vegan/raw chef, mom, nature lover, artist, and poet. For more information see or or call her at 518-866-3621.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

That Which Was, Is No More

That Which Was, Is No More
by Laura Harrison

Glass shatters, hope splatters
nothing else in the world matters

The heavy night sky has fallen in
and life will never be the same again

That which was, is no more
and that which is, was never before

my world has forever changed
the universe itelf has rearranged

half numb, tense, ready to fight
stomach sick, nothing is right

the heavy night sky has fallen in
and life will never be the same again

there is a vaccum in my chest
this information is putrid to digest

a chain of smoke, headache and sorrow
this heartache won't be gone tomorrow

the color from my face drains
and acid tears through my veins

my hallowed hollow body burns
my dizzy head in tired circles turns

the heavy night sky has fallen in
and life will never be the same again

That which was, is no more
and that which is, never was before.

Bloom Effortlessly

Bloom Effortlessly
by Laura Harrison

I cannot fight this rhythm
I can only open wider
as to close is to resist

to resist is to fight

to fight is to suffer

to open is to be free

Offering no resistence to the
unfolding poem of reality

disconnect from likes and dislikes
and from the masks absorbed from
external sources that long ago vyed to contain me

and I will bloom effortlessly
into my fullest beauty

On My Knees in Gratitude

On My Knees In Gratitude
by Laura Harrison

I see the pieces of my life falling into place
and I think one of those pieces may just be your face

my world is changing so fast that I can't hold on
I think that is exactly how I'm supposed to respond


let it come


each day

as my concepts and expectations are destroyed
and my plans lie in ruin
my eyes remain shining and wide
looking at the glistening moment
and I see the way
to a more genuine life
if I give up on what I think it should be

I am free

to be completely,

to BE

without constraint
without restraint
without chains or filters
or justification
or social stratification

I AM but this
one loving spark
shining my own little light
into the dark,
and if I can succeed at dropping
all greed and the pre-conceived

I can see with every cell
feel with every particle
the magnificent sublimity
and playful simplicity
and if only for a moment
glimpse the radiant web of life
weaving unlimited possibility into being.

Believing is in seeing,
when I see,
amidst all possibility,
that there is even room for you and me,
to meet,
for the Universe to bend,
in order to send,
me my every need and dream.

Life is the manifestation of miraculous reality.

Life Fully Lived

Life Fully Lived
by Laura Harrison

What have I to lose
by believing in you?

Nothing can ever exist
if we always resist
but by taking a risk
we have everything to gain

life will always be the same
and we will suffer and slowly die
secret desires and beauties lie  
locked in the basement
and our love becomes heavy with resentment
if we never really live.

I will give
you this chance to win my heart
and this very well could be the start
or just another paragraph in the story
but we will never find the glory
if we always just stay home
we need to roam
out of our comfort zone

with hearts and minds closed
nothing real
nothing as its supposed or possible to be
no energy
but with hearts and minds open
life will often betray our hoping
but by delivering things more exquisite and surreal
more blissful then we thought we'd feel

you'll never regret a life fully lived.

Revel in This Moment

Revel in This Moment
by Laura Harrison

Let go of all this thinking and knowing,
life is a flowing,
a showing.

Habits are residential,
but not essential,
they are not
look far.
deeper to see,
to feel,
your frequency...


re-invention without convention


life happens in endless cycling
re-incarnation is recycling
and vice versa
open your eye
life is diverser,
first appearances deceive,
open up to receive

lose yourself to find your Self again,
and again,
only you're always evolving,
though in your revolving,
you never find the same self twice..

..take my advice:

stop trying so hard to uphold
all the expectations of old
being yourself requires being bold

you aren't hurting others by being real
the only ones you'll anger are those yet afraid to feel
half as free
as you
allow yourself to be

being free is the name of the game
being yourself is not a shame

you have no one but yourself to blame
if you aren't happy in your daily life

compassion only grows when you are brave enough to live your truth
to rise to every occaision
to offer the standing ovation
to recognize that another's strength is NOT your weakness
is to let the beauty of others make you more beautiful

be dutiful to the truth of your own heart

stop thinking!
Love, creativity, beauty, the magical things in life are never logical
cannot be contained
in the little mind

so expand
    let go
       open wide
          like the sky

     and revel is this moment in your own way,
and revel is this moment in your own way,
          and revel is this moment in your own way.....

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Love Fed By Beauty

Love Fed By Beauty
by Laura Harrison

Love isn't as hard to figure outas we imagine
But Love isn't as simple as we're told

We're told it's gold, it's rare, that there's only so much,
so never let it out of your touch,
clench the source of your love with bitter, white-knuckled grip,
don't let it slip, breathe, fly, or be free,
because if it does there is no hope to ever be happy.

We aren't shown that its abundant, natural and free,
we aren't told love is the deeper current of reality.

We're told it only comes from ties of blood or sex,
and very special exceptions.


What vicious views that are so cold, so bold,
to try and limit something infinitely renewable,
to make us feel that its scarce.

They'll tell you, if they sell you just the right stuff,
that the love you chase will come.
That's dumb,
yet so many of us fall for it,
under the thumb,
of owning things that come to own us,
while disowning the beauty in the present moment.

Love is a state of mind, a feeling that you find,
in your OWN heart.

Seeing others in love shouldn't grate on you,
when you are in love do you enjoy when others hate on you?

Start to hope,
because love is everywhere and love is within.
And when you see the people, the places, the things as
not sources,
you begin to unravel the mystery of love,
and let it plot your courses.

Don't try to disect, to label, to catergorize,
and place your experience neatly in a box.
Thinking sanitizes it for your protection,
but is the death of the depth of life and love.

open yourself,
throw away fear, and start to see love
to you
and  through you~

love fed by the freshness of all beauty and bliss,
sprouting in every smile,
in every living thing.

To the neighsayers say nothing,
don't waste your breath,
put your finger to your lips and with a hush
and sweeping motion,
direct their doubtful gaze to the ocean of living beauty
that is the world.

If they don't get it, let the jackals fend for themselves,
don't let it crush the tender flower of your joy,
we the ripe ones will revel,
let each come to his own level.

love is NOT scarce,
love is not coming from others
viewed as objects and crutches,
and patches and drugs...

Love comes from acknowledging the unique spark of life
in bugs, plants and trees,
in people, animals, music and art,
and in all forms and faces of reality.

Love is in the seeing,

Love is fed by beauty

Love is everywhere,
in feeling everything.

The Ache

The Ache
By Laura Harrison

I witness such as ache, an abyss,
I can't dismiss, I'd be remiss
To ignore
That I long to see your smile.

But I'm not sure,
As I endure,
If you really are the solution to this disillusion.

The confusion arises when my eyes glaze over,
When my mind hazes over,
My mind slips
The moment

It's true that I long to be loved,
And its true that
I love you,
But what I'm aching for,
May be nothing more
Than the suchness I am missing,
When getting lost in reminiscing
I dismiss
The very moment in which I live.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Monday, December 24, 2012

Like a Spider's Web

Like a Spider's Web
By Laura Harrison

Love is a form of energy,
Is that Everything
Is energy

We're not given a map to understand
What lie's beyond what we see
We skim across the surface of reality
Life is filled with mystery

Purposefulness in joy and misery
Discomfort and suffering force you to seek,
New pathways,
New math, Ways
To make
Show again,
Your inner light,

Don't fight the flow,
Don't pretend to know
Unknown outcomes

Trust the moment
Trust resilience
Trust inspiration
Trust that if you turn mystery into music, into art,
It's creating golden light from the dark,

Connecting the layers of reality with silk,
Like a spider's web,
Weaving energy into meaningful beauty.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Sunday, December 23, 2012


Note: I love Anais Nin, the diarist, and others who freely expose their souls and earned wisdom for the benefit of others. So besides poetry, I'll let myself open that wide- I am an open book anyways, at least about my business. So may my therapy and self-care benefit your path as well. In love and light I offer this to the benefit of all beings.


The burn and sting of another painful lesson, as I crack further open to dissolve my weakness and bloom.. These little deaths hurt badly, but are quite necessary. Embarrassment is like a hot slap that cuts your heart open. It is a good teacher, but God it can hurt. Feel it, and let it go... Oh, but it feels like shit! Open, don't resist, open wider, let it hurt, because once you cry it out, there is more room for love and wisdom. Hurt, burn, sting, CRY, release, and become lighter and happier again. Hold onto it and sink, and hurt longer; it sucks the joy out of existence. But open wider, faster, hurt more but its gone so fast, like a storm blowing through, ravaging the land, and giving way to a beautiful and brighter day.

You make me look at myself and see not only my beauty, but so it seems, my weakness. Am I strong enough to see your greatness and solidness and to develop my own, and Not be intimidated? Your strength is Not my weakness, your beauty is Not my ugliness. It is my beauty too, but I must live up to it and sacrifice the old habits and ways. I am everything I admire. I just have to live it, and I do, I give everything to live with full trust in my deepest knowing.

I maybe did want your validation and recognition, but not anymore. That IS a desperate and ugly habit. You don't have to see me for who I am for me to know myself as good. I don't need a pat on the head to keep living as I do. I love myself and my path and my life and my world. With or without you.

But I see your greatness, and I want to let you in. I want to share the gift of me with you. I want you to know me. I am giving mySelf to you. You can seek me, maybe I tried too hard to give myself to you. I love you, so much, it's true, and we have not had our time together yet. No time just to be, feel, enjoy. Not yet.

I am so used to change that I don't understand when someone wants to stay around. Everyone has come and gone from my life, and I am ok with that. But that is why I give so hard, say so much, because, like everything else, I am prepared for you to be gone tomorrow and for me to be ok with that. I don't want that to be the case. Fear is useless and not the right path. I have stung myself again, and I have learned. Trust, not fear. So another thing you will teach me is that some people can make conscious promises and can make healthy commitments and stay around and grow together. I am not used to this.

So now already in writing this, I am more free. I have cried. I am lighter. I am shifting my energy from sad and heavy to light and bright. A shower and back to the rest of my blessed existence.

Thank you for this lesson and growth.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Monday, December 3, 2012

Don't Resist

Don't Resist
By Laura Harrison

Don't resist
Crack wide open
Cry if need be
To who you used to be
Don't try,
Just be..
Creative beauty
Flowing out of your heart
Like waterfalls
Ebbs and flows
Stops and stalls

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Monday, November 26, 2012

Sacred Ecstacy

Sacred Ecstacy
by Laura Harrison

Nature carresses and undresses me with her breeze.

To taste this living air as I breathe,

I dissolve all heaviness of form and once again remember Self as light.

And all is right.

I will not fight, I will expand,

weightlessly like the blue sky to swallow all sensation-

sadness and pain; and happiness, all the same.

I will expand, saying yes to life,

the way I gracefully expand to let my lover inside of me.

The ecstacy of being free,

The pure bliss of Spirituality,

Shining love through my body,

Serving others whole-heartedly,

and when he makes love to me.......

          all is one

                  one journey home.

Be it through Nature, Love, or Generosity,

It is but one sacred ecstasy.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

The Weather Channel

The Weather Channel
By Laura Harrison

Watch emotions come and go, Oh!
Just like a storm, they blow in,
So swiftly, ravage your peace,and set you drifting.

They never cease.

And some can clearly show you your truth.
Still others point to indigestion,
Or fatigue,
More then your future.

If you hold them tightly you'll get burned,
Yet If you learn to use them rightly you'll soar,
If you let them blow you everywhere,
You'll be scattered,
If you let them crush you you'll be shattered,
If you share them where they aren't welcomed you'll feel battered..

Don't get me wrong, emotions run strong, and its best to stay humble, open,
Honest, hoping,
loving and true.

To develop a view
Of gratitude
Is perhaps the best attitude.

Don't reject your feelings, feel them,

But don't let the negative ones ravage you.

Stay confident, the sun will shine.

Storms are sure to pass, and you will be more
Then fine.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Almost Out to Sea

Almost Out to Sea
By Laura Harrison

Although I'm blessed
I must confess
At times it depresses me
To be so misunderstood..

Sometimes I am so... Very... Lonely.

It messes me up
That I should put my passion on the shelf
That I can't fully be myself

Because others resign
To ignore the beautiful signs
To live like they've died
To hate themselves and hide
From the intensity
Of Reality

It can be lonely
To be the only
Person who refuses
To give up true freedom

Self- consciousness and



And if you give in to them
You will decay
Long before your day

I just wish people wouldn't throw me away

I know that I don't follow status quo
And I never,

And my life is magnificent

Because I am so full of love and generosity


Its just sometimes that when it washes over me,
It almost carries me out to sea.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

The Fullness of the Sun

The Fullness of the Sun
By Laura Harrison

I'm hard-wired to care
It is just who I am
In fact I've built a career
Of destroying people's fear
And loving them to help them grow

I will show you that you are
Everything wonderful
you've ever admired
And how to manifest all
That you have desired...
For your life.

Unconditional Love is all I am,
I am playful passion,
Empathy and compassion,
All in one, fun little form.

I shine the fullness of the sun
Onto any form of beauty I see-

Be it art, or a human heart..
A song, a rock, a tree
I will love it unconditionally,
And passionately...

I live and die by Truth, Love and creativity.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Does Not Only Belong to You

Does Not Only Belong to You

Laura Harrison

I feel your words, and I remember your eyes,

 and I am

flooded with Love, until I shake with bliss, nearly cry

But when I fixate on you as the source of that Love


and then I remember

and tears of joy arise

-that YOU have released this flood

of Love

within ME

but this Love

does not only belong to you
or to me..

..this Love is the love of Eternity

loving Itself,

and YOU have set it free

but it comes from far beyond me..

and through me,
ecstacy cooling waters refreshing scorched lands, the gentle stroking of adoring hands.

                 And I remember,

           that when I am with you

           it belongs entirely to us.

And when you are out of sight

I will remember you,

and that will release the radiant light

of this Love, into ALL I do.

I will pour it through my eyes and smile,

into the grace of my every gesture,

and fill this world with its beauty Divine.

You  showed me pieces of me I longed for.

Knowing you now is the surest way to remember

my Self, as this radiant Love.

and to shine my brightest shine.

At Peace With the Unknown

At Peace with the Unknown

Laura Harrison

I am torn, broken down, tormented,

my pathway.. unrelented..

beaten into letting go,     of ideas   of knowing

..the wear and fatigue are showing

I cannot know how life will go.

Just pick a direction, and trust the flow
and know
          that if you listen to your heart

every single moment is your fresh start.

although we are constantly gushing

into a great unknown..

it isn't aimless, it isn't cruel-

in fact,    it's creating

a fairy-tale through you,    the story

of your purpose,

your bliss,

of all,

past lifetimes,

creating This.

Dive through your passion,
live your purpose,
be bold

color it with compassion,
Let go of the old

 of life.

The unknown is alright, and its al that we know.

Following our bliss, we all learn as we go.

Learning to Be Present

Learning to Be Present

Laura Harrison

Learning to be present,

Learning to be free,

forced to make peace with the unknown, of unfolding destiny

We can only take one step at a time,
     We can only breathe each breath in line

Dreams foreshadow our possibilities,

but if we grasp them we crush their fragile wings.

We have to ride the flow of synchronicities,

and let them blossom into finer things,
   then we ourselves at first conceived.

By balancing relentless risk taking, and that which is received,

Reality is ours for the making,

                    But only if we find dynamic harmony.

Live Vividly

Live Vividly

Laura Harrison

My pen keeps breaking,
hands shaking,
heart like sand giving itself to the sea-
giving myself to destiny.

Let the love shine through your eyes,
throw off your burdonsome disguise
it's time to live vividly

It's time to give yourself to destiny.

Why cover your greatness with conformity?
The time has come to be truly free

I feel your longing.
I hear the song.
I've walked this path.
I know it's long.

I'm getting closer to the light,
don't fight

Open your Soul and swallow it all
Agony and ecstacy, are part of the same thing, you see

Sexuality and spirituality
Synchronicity and Serendipity

You are the merging of ALL

tempered by time and space
and the choices you make.

Take it all in-
You are here to be the only you that is..

the time is short..
fight no more,
the present moment knocks,
open the door.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Learning Where to Put the Love

I learned a hard lesson, finally, or at least, I can see the answer, and can now apply my mindfulness to manifesting the solution.

Unconditional love and genuine enthusiasm and caring for other beings is a beautiful thing, and an awesome responsibility. Just like a Teacher needs to learn to give each student only what they are ready for, too much will overwhelm them, so too much a Lover understand that the full-force of Love is overwhelming. Being blunt, I have not only overwhelmed people, I have frightened them, shut them down and sent them running. All because I appreciated them too much.

People aren't used to receiving Love without attachment, most people don't know what this means, and their minds cannot fathom a love that is unselfish and okay with whatever reality may bring, even parting. They look for an agenda, or they think I must be insane. Or they don't love themselves, and can't see why I do and reject it and me. Its sad. But it is reality, and it is a crucial lesson for me that I am glad I am embracing. I pledged years ago to rise to each opportunity to express my love and appreciation in the moment I feel it, because life is unpredictable,and nothing is static- it is NOT a given that we will have people in our lives for more then a flash. I even tell strangers on the street how beautiful they are, or how much I appreciate their unique style. And I try to let my loved ones know my gratitude each time we meet and part. Part of my learning lately has been that I must be my Self completely, no matter what happens, the ego has to go and I am here to shine, love, serve, and play. Its not that I will hide my Love and Light, but that I will try to only express the bit each person can handle to them, and let the rest nourish me and pour out through my every glance, breath, and action. When will I remember that they are not the source of love! I know this... Its the urge to pay it back that is the problem, I must pay it FORWARD!!! Just like if we want to help someone, we must help them in the way they need to be helped, not the way that we prefer, we can only give someone as much love as they can handle, and maybe a little more, when someone's heart is ready to break wide open to receive more love... But we cannot give someone who can only drink a glass of water an endless waterfall when they are not prepared for its force, its raw intensity, its power.  Unconditional Love IS that strong. That's what my energy feels like.. When I don't hold it back or waste it, but practice Self-care and simple grounding techniques, and just BE ME naturally, its like the Niagara Falls of sensation, appreciation, inspiration, and love is flowing through me. I am BLESSED, I'm not complaining! But I am grateful I am finally learning consciously how to balance and channel that into this world in a way that is not like spraying people with fire hoses. Once people's vibrations rise or they acclimate to the intensity, they can thrive with that Love both flowing out of them, and back into them... Love is the most important nutriment that too many people are starving for.
May all beings find the Love in their own hearts, and fall in love with Life Itself, the Divine within ALL that is.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Become Nothing but Love and Light Again

Become Nothing but Love and Light Again

In deep gratitude..

I bow before you, great Universe, on my hands and knees I lay my face on my Mother's cheek..
To feel the cold loving Earth beneath my bare feet, in all her seasons and cycles..

to dance, to sing, to cry from the bottom of my soul until I am empty of all that is not mine.. 

and to feel the loving embrace of consciousness shining at me at all times through EVERYTHING..

that no matter how many times I forget that you are smiling unconditional Love at me always..

you are ALWAYS shining when I return to you.

Thank you for the wisdom to know now that all I suffer now is a lesson so that I may help others to be free from pain

and for every misery, you have taught me to open WIDER and to let the love swallow the pain,

pain becomes more love...

so that my tears are only tears of opening in surrender, which floods me with even greater bliss..

For even in the face of pain, there is a beauty, for pain is the greatest teacher of complete surrender,

and complete surrender is to allow the Divine consciousness to shine

unmediated through your unique crystalline structure into this world of form.

Give up! Stop trying to fight the flow,

and feel the grace of the current shift your body into ecstatic dancing bliss!

I cannot fathom the love I feel, the joy,

and my only remaining desire is to share, give, serve this love,

Love serving love,
I will feel all things with all beings,

and understand where the edges are between their energy and mine,

and know full well that those distinctions are only temporary illusion.

I will now rest silently in the prayer of the direct experience,

colored with gratitude and love unconditional,

for the awareness to discern the majesty and miracle of this lifetime I have been given.

I will not waste it. I will wake up, and be nothing but love and light again. 

I will now rest silently in the prayer of the direct experience,

colored with gratitude and love unconditional.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Natural Bhakti: The Path of Love

"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."~Mother Teresa

I realized something tonight. I have known this, but not like I know this now. I was born for the explicit purpose of losing myself in love in all possible directions. I don't think this is unique, I actually think it is the meaning of the Bhakti path of yoga, to which many, many people are drawn. But Bhakti for a lot of people has to do with a particular representation of the Divine Energy, or particular practices, or even places. For me, Bhakti is life itself. And I am so deeply and humbly grateful to see this with new, clearer eyes.

We cannot have back any of our past moments, so when we receive an insight that is a sting, a slap, a hard and painful realization that we are somehow more awake now then we previously were, it is best to give ourselves completely to integrating that wisdom at all costs. I can never have back those moments with my son when I let fatigue, hunger, or the urge to do something override the importance of stopping for thirty seconds to make better eye contact. Or to pick him up at those random times, even if I only have the strength to hold him for a few moments.
I don't want to forget this ever again. Being present has increasing significance for me each day. I have also been embracing over these last six years, increasing ease and directness in expressing love, gratitude, appreciation, recognition of beauty, and supportiveness. And as of tonight I am renewed and my passion is deeper. Its like a whole layer of junk was cleared. We are here to be ourselves completely, our pure Self, to live our life purpose with everything we have in us... Not to ever deny positive inspiration and true passion, but to be our highest and greatest expression of ourselves at all costs. That is real freedom.
The hardest part by far is not the bravery it takes to be unique, in my case, but the loneliness of still knowing so few people around my age that are on the same level of love and freedom. Freedom scares the shit out of people, especially the opposite sex apparently.
I made a vow as a teenager, and I WON'T break it: that no matter how many people reject me, no matter how many times my heart is broken, I WILL NOT compromise the truth of my heart. I will not stop giving myself fully in love. I won't be foolish, and I won't cling to relationship for fear of being alone. On the contrary, I will be equally brave going into and coming out of love, or in saying no when the connection isn't there. I may have slowed down over the years, but I am fixing that. I will listen to  the Truth of my heart completely, and I will trust myself and my own resilience. I won't judge the next by the previous. Always present and fresh.
Bhakti isn't just about romantic love, but that is a significant component for me: they gave me the spiritual name Radha for a reason I suppose, and the male-female dynamic nourishes me and complements me well, when it is vibrant and healthy. And it is requiring a great deal of patience to wait for an equal, for a genuine connection. I'm not going to waste someone's time, I know if there's a connection in a few moments, and then beyond that its typically not long before it sorts itself out as friendship or going in other directions.  And I know the moment it shatters and the connections atrophy and pull apart, and it has completely run it's course. We ALL know these things, whether we listen or not is different.
But it isn't just romantic love, that is only one piece. I exist to love and to delight in everything, be fascinated and in love with all of my life. To LOSE myself, lose my edges and borders in ALL forms of Love... As a mother, this is the most sacred and profound relationship I know... As a friend, as family... And to lose myself in love with life itself, and with my life, with each moment, with Nature, in acts of kindness, passion, and creativity, with beauty; to lose myself in love with love..
And not only to feel that love, but to express it, to nourish the world by putting that Love into every action. EVERY action... Every moment, every moment.. My aim is to be present to remember my delight and grace and to let my entire life be a painting of that love and joy. I want not one moment or being or place to pass me without benefiting consciously or unconsciously from my loving energy. We have to remember that feeling love is important, but let our choices and actions express that love is crucial, or else the loop isn't complete and the love isn't whole.
I feel this energy and this love, SO IMMENSE, and the other major struggle has been in learning how to channel it. Sadly, most people aren't used to receiving much if any unconditional love. It is intense, and can crack a heart wide open, it is a love that can make you cry.. I know that I cry more from loving so much then from anything else.. But each release makes room for a larger capacity by which to give and receive love and happiness. I recognize as a teacher I have to learn not to give other beings more then they are ready for, and at the same time, we all can stand to go in a little overhead now and again. And I refuse to hide my light, because only those who can consciously benefit from my energy will be drawn to me, otherwise the benefits will all be subtle and unconscious. It feels so wrong that it isn't considered "normal" for people to express love and consideration to strangers- in times of peace its viewed as crazy, in times of disaster it is considered heroic.. why can't it just be a darshan, a worldview, a way of life?
I am nothing but love, playful fascination, and gratitude. This is often said in yoga philosophy. And I have felt this before. But this is a new, deeper degree of direct experience- it is not theory but my actual experience that speaks these words. I can't tell you the gratitude that sparks in me, or the honor it is, so  much that it drives me to uphold my most genuine best at all times.
We all have rough moments, but I can't help but shake them off faster, and to feel some level of joy in connection with the profundity of even painful experiences.. Delight in their purposefulness and poetic beauty. I can rejoice in the silver lining. And increasingly, where ten years ago it was something of a peak experience that happened a few times a year, it is now a daily experience of love, gratitude, and inner rightness so strong that I am flooded, immersed, in beauty and true and complete loving happiness, almost washed away..
I exist to lose myself in all forms of love, gratitude, and beauty. I am sweetness and love. And I will trust my heart, and keep opening wider and wider to love, until nothing else remains but love, grateful, generous, and sweet. In humble gratitude and curiosity of the immense potential in store... LOVE!!  Laura

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Thinking Ahead

Just when I seem to get into the moment

I feel compelled to think ahead

Letting the mind get on top of the experience

Making the fragile and precious present moment dead

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

The Loneliness On The Spiritual Path, Finding Your Tribe, Happiness and Real Love

The Loneliness On The Spiritual Path, Finding Your Tribe, Happiness and Real Love NOVEMBER 2012 "Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions." ~ Dalai Lama

"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." ~Mother Teresa

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." ~ Mahatma Gandhi

"Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'" ~Erich Fromm

"Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible - it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could." ~Barbara de Angelis

"Normal" lifestyle according to American pop culture is based on the material level of life alone. It is devoid of genuine heartfelt variation, uniqueness, self-expression and real spirituality. It supports people being trapped in their own heads and traumatized and imprisoned with self-consciousness and the ego running rampant, comparing self to others constantly trying to rank and compete and fit in and appease. This is not heart-centered, authentic or as Jeff Brown calls it, Soul-centered, living. It is fake and negates deep honesty and authenticity, which then defies any real happiness, confidence, or fulfilment in living.

Living life in harmony with your inner truth leads to much deeper and realer fulfilment in life- it is discovering your life purpose and giving yourself to it; it is living a lifestyle that brings out your best, makes you feel your best and shine your brightest as much as possible. However, there is a price to pay for authenticity: all the people, foods, places, actions, thoughts, and habits that aren't harmonious with who you become at each stage of spiritual growth must be shed. Letting go of friends, ways of life, old ideas, can be VERY painful. And there is a time in between when you lost the old nouns and verbs that don't fit right or fulfil you anymore and when the new people, places, and things fill your life... and this time is usually a swirling cycle of bright and amazing experiences, and dark cold, lonely times when you wish you could find people and a society that you fit in with.

This time period is different for everyone, and this transitional space comes not just once, but every so often on the spiritual journey, as vibrations change, that which resonates harmoniously changes too. These times are very trying. Why do we have to go through this, as beings aiming to live positive and grateful lives? Devo Mahesvara.. the difficulty helps us to discard that which is no longer serving our good. It is the time for trial-and-error, a lot of learning, a lot of exploring what is meaningful and inspiring to you... and as you hold in your heart the vibrations you now embody, the energy of who you are and are becoming, as you live it and explore it.. you are attracting towards you the people and places and experiences that will nourish you. You are attracting your authentic life and your tribe.

Teacher Jeff Brown calls it a "soul pod" like a family of dolphins, connected by past lives, similar vibrations, and/or similar levels of consciousness. These are the people who "get" you, who view life in compatible ways, enjoy the sames sorts of things, disassociate from most of the same parts of conventional society as you. They become your brothers and sisters. They become soul-friends, and soul-mates, partners in crime, best friends, inspirations, support, mirrors, and they UPLIFT you, they do not DRAIN you.
I have had times of extreme loneliness, when I was learning to live an authentic lifestyle based on my own heart-compass, but I knew no one that I connected with. I was so sad, so confused, I thought there had to be something wrong with me, I mean, I wasn't like anyone else. I was happy with who I was except for the fact that I was extremely alone. So I developed a handy little eating disorder to deal with my sensitivity to energy and it was a horrible, painful cycle. Yoga slowly pulled me out of it and towards other beings as I continued on a heart-centered path. The loneliness pops up sometimes, especially I find that changing eating habits tends to lead to a feeling of disconnetion from others.. so becoming raw vegan from regular vegan made me feel much more alone and unalike anything "normal". I didn't want to be "normal", but we all want to have loved ones that love us and that we can love and feel part of... real family.

Another amazing side-effect of these periods of loneliness, I am discovering as I am coming into a new time of connection, is to learn greater and greater capacities for giving and receiving love. I am becoming extraordinarily open with my appreciation and adoration and love for the people who contribute to my world. This ability to appreciate SO thoroughly is directly connected to the pain suffered in times of loneliness.. If I wasn't THAT painfully lonely I would take this gratitude and love for granted or think nothing of it, or not even notice it well. It is in times of suffering that the heart is broken, and instead of letting it heal smaller and harder, like conventional wisdom would have us do, the yogi lets it heal wider, wide enough to swallow the sorrow. It breaks wide open and we let it heal large and open and more sensitive. And that is how we feel greater and greater love, joy, gratitude, satisfaction and fulfilment in life. All the things that were keeping our hearts small are broken through and transcended. Our capacity grows. Not just for love, but for intensity in general, for life in general, for joy, sorrow, peace, PRESENCE, our capacity to be fully present grows.

So even if you feel like you know no one anything like you, just keep folowing the things that make you happy, that uplift, inspire, enliven, the things that stoke your passion, your creativity, your fulfilment.. and you will find your tribe, your chosen family, and you will know you are loved and magnificent. You may have felt that way before, but the validation and the mirror of your beauty in the hearts of others you love and respect is a nourishment that we all need. And it shall come! Blessings!!!

<3 laura="laura" p="p">

Happiness~ doesn't happen on accident, but it is free and abundant!!

Happiness~ doesn't happen on accident, but it is free and abundant!! "Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions." ~ Dalai Lama

"Happiness depends upon ourselves." ~ Aristotle

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." ~ Mahatma Gandhi

"Happiness is the only good. The time to be happy is now. The place to be happy is here. The way to be happy is to make others so." ~ Robert Green Ingersoll

"Happiness is a continuation of happenings which are not resisted." ~ Deepak Chopra

All that lives wants to be happy and free from all suffering. Most of us spend our time pursuing happiness in the form of material gain, or future experience, or in other people, or as if happiness is a solid state you get to and never change again.... and happiness is not lasting in these ways..

This month I invite you to explore happiness in all forms, and what gives you the most lasting and full bliss in your experience. Happiness is the birthright of all beings, but we have free will, so we can choose to be negative and unappreciative and fight our reality and thus experience misery. Or we can cultivate happiness. Like a garden, happiness takes conscious planting.. of positive thinking patterns, of self-control to avoid actions that block us from feeling well and loving, of taking every opportunity to be kind and compassionate to others, of disposing of the prison of self-consciousness that restricts us from fully embracing life in all our thoughts, words and actions in each present moment... because do you realize, true happiness is available in each moment, but it is only HERE, in the present moment, that happiness lives. Practicing being present is the biggest and most powerful way to cultivate true, expansive happiness.

Someone else's happiness or goodness shouldn't make you feel threatened, jealous, or miserable... happiness isn't limited, it is an infinite and renewable resource within us all. See other's goodness and beauty as an inspiration to be your happiest, more creative, most alive self!

If you feel depressed or unhappy, take the opportunity that next arises to do something generous, kind, above-and-beyond for another, be they family, friend, neighbor, or stranger. Or small simple acts of kindness will brighten your day and that of the recipient.. hold a door, make eye contact and smile, tell someone when you think something good about them, help someone pick up what they have dropped or carry something heavy. Happiness is best shared, when we give we get. Giving of ourselves is a sure way to increase our happiness.

Don't feel foolish for looking for the bright side, for focusing on gratitude and not what you don't have, for appreciating the little sacred and incredibly blissful moments and experiences in life.... feel like a fool for not doing these things. This is your life happening one moment at a time.. do you choose to revel in the playful sacredness in your own way, or watch others have fun from the sidelines while you judge and complain in the darkness of your own mind?

Practice being present.. feeling your breath, body, and the world around you tickle your senses. Take in the "good" and the "bad" and the "neutral" with the same open attention and positive intention. See the good in yourself, in life, in others. Be compassionate. Cut loose in natural and creative ways, express your inner light. Move your body, rest your body, take good care of your body. And use it to pay forward the goodness and joy you experience or wish to experience. I hope this sparks your inner knowing and helps you to be happier and more free.

<3 all="all" and="and" as="as" beings="beings" bhavantu="bhavantu" contribute="contribute" directly="directly" everywhere="everywhere" freedom="freedom" from="from" happiness="happiness" have="have" i="i" indirectly="indirectly" lokah="lokah" may="may" my="my" of="of" others="others" p="p" samasta="samasta" seek="seek" suffering="suffering" sukhino="sukhino" the="the" to="to" touch="touch" wholeness="wholeness">
<3 laura="laura" p="p">

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Living My Life Again

Living My Life Again

By Laura Harrison

It may sound narcissistic, and it may sound vain,

But when you see the same pattern emerge over and over again,

The karma seems to speak for itself,
But what is it saying?

If I'm failing my lesson or
Is it a game that I'm playing?

I'm magnificent and loving,
Blissful in this journey to discover,

But somehow I grew accustomed,
To making space for another,

And because that space existed,
Yet remained empty,

My wholeness was tainted,
And I became lonely,

I finally realized,
To take that space back for me,

That this is my life,
That I should live fully,

And when that someone comes,
He will only add to my joy,

That love shouldn't drain,
That love shouldn't destroy,

My life is whole,
Nothing is missing,

Although I knew that in my brain,
My heart wasn't listening,

I cried out the pain,
Of all those false starts,

Of all those crushed hopes,
And my broken hearts,

And now I can live my life again,
Now I'm completely free,

To be in love with the world,
To cherish the serendipity,

No one had me trapped,
Other then my mind,

And I have grown brighter,
And much more kind.

Love is not love if,
For it I must compromise inner truth,

I learned from those trials,
But I struggled nail and tooth,

Now life my is fulfilling and beautiful, no drama, a smooth flow,

But Life is filled with battle
When ignoring the truth deep down we know.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Letting Go


By Laura Harrison

Letting go, letting go,
Open my fists and let it flow,

Relax my face and chest,
Lay down and rest.

Stop clinging, stop vying for identity,
The profundity, can and will set me free,
From the prison of expectations,
Anticipations, situations
That I allow to define me,
And encompass my reality.

Take a deep breath,
I see,
much more clearly.

Let go, let go,
And openness will show,
That I exist,
Faaaaar beyond all that I resist.
The soul persists.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Rainy Days

RAINY DAYS (Stop Fighting Gravity)

By Laura Harrison

Why do rainy days seem to trigger a softly sad, nostalgic sort of tranquility?

As if we are more acutely aware in our gentleness of our own frailty,
Our own mortality..

Rainy days, gray days, gentle days, many ways,
To open to its fragile flow.

See through the haze,
That changes our focus.

Its as if only on rainy days we know
Life is too short rush
The currents too swift to hush
And in our softness that we can clearly
Feel the deeper meaning of reality.

Rivers and rivulets of energy
Ebbing and flowing creating
Rich tapestries of sensitivity
from who and what we are creates tragedy..

Sometimes only in sickness or emergency,
we surrender our battle against reality,
And only when we stop fighting gravity,

can we ever fly.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

The Journey From Misery (full version)


By Laura Harrison

Don't you realize your world is a reflection of your inner state?

So what do you expect to see in the world if your heart is filled with hate?

So throw your arms up and proclaim, "it's too late"?

Or simply apply yourself to living, try to be alive--

Let go of the addiction to misery,
Like opening a fist wide into the breeze,

Let it blow away.
What did you ever do to yourself to earn such a despise from inside?

Worst thing you did was live in a disguise...
Tried to fit a mold,
Tried too hard to hold,
Onto ideas that weren't yours,
Tried too hard.. To be loved.

Focus on what's good about yourself and your life and you might just be surprised.

It's a long journey from there to here,
And you'll encounter a lot of fear,
The unhappiness doesn't all disappear,
But you will find the beauty in everything.

The journey from misery is a voyage,
We can all choose to take,
But some of us the burdens break
Or some the fear suppresses
The urge to decompress
But everything that's living seeks
Happiness and freedom from suffering

When we hatred inside our form
Our whole world will conform,
To its ugliness, its paranoid jealousy
And it will never set us free.

But at least if we can feel
We may find a path to help us heal
Sewing wounds with threads of acceptance and love

Someday we will realize we are enough
That happiness is not elite
Is not found in objects, nor discreet,

Where you used to seek it outside of you,
realize that the trigger is just a cue,
That you feel happiness inside your heart...

Just remember that it is the hardest part.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

The Journey From Misery


By Laura Harrison

Don't you realize your world is a reflection of your inner state?

So what do you expect to see in the world if your heart is filled with hate?

So throw your arms up and proclaim, "it's too late"?

Or simply apply yourself to living,
Try to be alive--

Let go of the addiction to misery
Like opening a fist wide in the breeze,

Let it blow away.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Stronger and With A New Song


Stronger and with a new song
by Laura Harrison

All spinning on our own paths, I see that you are busy,
I understand that fully, but when I do talk to you I'm dizzy,

When we first met I couldn't see, but I see now it is the lack of truth in your touch,
I don't know that it is even conscious, or if you even feel that much.

Once again I feel alone, but it is mostly my own fault,
because I put my faith in other's actions, instead of in the present by default.

I told myself stories dressed in others' clothes,
it was my own mind that turned the yes's to no's.

That is part of this result, but I didn't create it all,
I can feel what is felt and upspoken, and THAT started the thought-squawl.

you never said you were good for me, I just hoped that you'd be,
but once again my ideas were wrong, but yet not too distant from reality.

When my image of what I had fades and reality sets in like stone,
I feel sobered, and embarassed, and I want to find my way home.

Yet I can't be so hard upon myself, because this is the process,
waking up takes time and patience, dilligence and forgiveness.

And just because it didn't mean what I wanted it to,
doesn't mean what it actually was wasn't true..
it wasn't a mistake to think too much of you.

If I wasn't so taken, mistaken, shaken,
If I didn't let my heart break then,
I wouldn't have been opened up, wouldn't have grown.

I wouldn't have been shown,
and never would have known,
I would still suffer believing in that lie. 

As the falsities crash, shatter like glass,
There is a hot, stinging slap to my heart,

A dark vaccuum in my chest,
a deep and painful unrest,
but when the tears dry, I am freer and I,
see clearer then ever before.
Sadness leaves, and happiness returns to my door. 

The sun shines brighter,
and I am so much lighter,
and so I continue on...

Stronger and with a new song.