The burn and sting of another painful lesson, as I crack further open to dissolve my weakness and bloom.. These little deaths hurt badly, but are quite necessary. Embarrassment is like a hot slap that cuts your heart open. It is a good teacher, but God it can hurt. Feel it, and let it go... Oh, but it feels like shit! Open, don't resist, open wider, let it hurt, because once you cry it out, there is more room for love and wisdom. Hurt, burn, sting, CRY, release, and become lighter and happier again. Hold onto it and sink, and hurt longer; it sucks the joy out of existence. But open wider, faster, hurt more but its gone so fast, like a storm blowing through, ravaging the land, and giving way to a beautiful and brighter day.
You make me look at myself and see not only my beauty, but so it seems, my weakness. Am I strong enough to see your greatness and solidness and to develop my own, and Not be intimidated? Your strength is Not my weakness, your beauty is Not my ugliness. It is my beauty too, but I must live up to it and sacrifice the old habits and ways. I am everything I admire. I just have to live it, and I do, I give everything to live with full trust in my deepest knowing.
I maybe did want your validation and recognition, but not anymore. That IS a desperate and ugly habit. You don't have to see me for who I am for me to know myself as good. I don't need a pat on the head to keep living as I do. I love myself and my path and my life and my world. With or without you.
But I see your greatness, and I want to let you in. I want to share the gift of me with you. I want you to know me. I am giving mySelf to you. You can seek me, maybe I tried too hard to give myself to you. I love you, so much, it's true, and we have not had our time together yet. No time just to be, feel, enjoy. Not yet.
I am so used to change that I don't understand when someone wants to stay around. Everyone has come and gone from my life, and I am ok with that. But that is why I give so hard, say so much, because, like everything else, I am prepared for you to be gone tomorrow and for me to be ok with that. I don't want that to be the case. Fear is useless and not the right path. I have stung myself again, and I have learned. Trust, not fear. So another thing you will teach me is that some people can make conscious promises and can make healthy commitments and stay around and grow together. I am not used to this.
So now already in writing this, I am more free. I have cried. I am lighter. I am shifting my energy from sad and heavy to light and bright. A shower and back to the rest of my blessed existence.
Thank you for this lesson and growth.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®