Sunday, September 25, 2011

Nothing But Here

I have felt distracted lately, like I have been allowing too much energy to go into my thoughts and not being present. It manifests as a guilty feeling and almost a panicky sense of time going too fast to handle. I am with my son all day but distracted by chores, thoughts and not paying deep enough attention to him.

This is all subtle stuff, meaning that I am watching my son, he is staying safe, but we can be here and simultaneously somewhere else with our thoughts. It comes in cycles, I find. Sometimes its easy to disconnect from the constant thinking, and sometimes it lures you in. The ego is what the devil represents, that and the kleshas, or roots of suffering, such as avidya, or ignorance to Reality. It is interesting that the Qu'ran refers to the devil as "the obsessor", because the mind is filled with obsesive repetition of thoughts. Unenlightened beings tend to identify with and pay a lot of attention to, these thoughts. We miss consciously participating in life as it happens.

So I realize that the guilt and sadness I feel is a red flag, not something to keep creating or ignore. If we listen to our hearts and balance our emotional and rational urges, we can live a balanced path that honors love and service to others, especially those our dharma leads us to be completely responsible for (as minors), our children.

A clean house, good hygeine, pure water, and plenty of healthy food are important. So is living as an example of our highest beliefs. And one of those beliefs is that it is our honor and duty to pay our child as much undivided attention as possible. Being here and not in the fluctuations of mind-stuff (chitta vritti) is the most important way to show and share love. In our conscious, loving, gentle but passionate kindness, we don't just say I love you, we are unconditional love. Unconditional love is the highest high and the most ecstatic sensation of joy, it is a glimpse of the Self. It is this way in giving and in receiving. It is who we are, what we are, and the only way to feel it is to be nothing but here in the moment.

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