Monday, April 30, 2012

1 + 1 = 2 ... We aren't halves, but we can be complimentary colors

Many people think that they need another person to complete them. I think this is a well-intentioned, but slightly unhealthy way of viewing the kind of connection most, if not all, of us long for.

As long as we look outside ourselves, towards our material circumstances or other people, for our satisfaction, we won't have lasting peace. The Buddha discovered that human beings automatically become dissatisfied regardless of their external circumstances. He realized that our happiness has to come from remaining present and dynamic. As soon as we look to something to remain exactly the same, we are certain to become disappointed because no one and nothing remains constant. It is as simple as that.

I do think the urge to find a partner is very strong and leads to beautiful experiences, but it will never be fruitful if we are looking to become completed by the other being. I do believe in rare and amazing connections between people and that these are very sacred and special, but we cannot look toward the future and demand that they shine unchanging forever. Instead we have to honor that these connections may grow together and apart as we both move on. Connections disconnect and new ones appear. Some connections are re-connected down the road as paths converge again, only to diverge when they diverge. That is what is so special about a genuine connection that lasts for many decades, to truly have that soul connection last that long requires the ability to remain honest and present as individuals, and a lot of grace and luck as well.

So if we aren't two halves that fix each other, can we be two wholes that blossom incredibly in each others' presence? Like complementary colors, side by side, each being completely ourselves, uncompromised, we can be our happiest, healthiest, and brightest with each other.

As soon as that ceases to be so, as soon as we begin to compromise our path, our individuality, in an unhealthy way, we get mixed up. When you mix complementary colors they become muddy and bland and disappear from their true brilliance. Sadly, out of obligatory courtesy or desire to conform or fear of the unknown, too many people settle to be muddy and unsatisfied, married or not. Marriage has little to do with happiness, by the way, happiness in a relationship comes from the honesty both show themselves and each other, when both people can be honestly themselves and honest with themselves and each other, and are joyous to be together, then nothing else is needed- no approval from others, no jewelry or certificate or tax break or labels.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

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