Wednesday, April 25, 2012

We Are NOT Under Attack: stop taking everything personally

This is a topic that surfaces frequently because nearly EVERYONE does it at one point or another, and it is not at all productive. I still do it, and now I see myself doing it and sort of laugh, even if I'm uncomfortable at the same time. I encourage you to develop the same regard for this highly egoic behavior.

A break-up: you are totally in this amazing relationship and suddenly the other ceases to be as connected, shut down completely and or runs away. It simply must be a reflection of their regard for you, your worth as a person and as a mate, right?

Correspondence: you call, text, or email someone, and don't receive instant response, the other person must have been offended or is certainly rejecting you, right?

Moods: someone gives you a dirty look, acts snobishly, or is unusually abrupt with you or unenthusiastic in speaking with you. Friends or strangers, the teller at the bank, the person at the Taco Bell drive-thru, your mom- you must have done something in their eyes to have made them mad at you or they must not think you are as good as them or something, right?

Rejection: that someone you are romantically interested in doesn't know that you exist... You must be totally ugly and unlovable, right?

In each moment, every single person has his or her own set of filters in his or her own mind, running all information and experiences through those filters colors the interpretation of the meaning. We see what we want to see, or what we see as bent through the lenses of our minds. What are these filters made of? Each person has his or her own chain of experience- unique head-stuff, insecurities, plus the history of individual life experience and experiences that day and at that very moment. We are such intuitive beings that we pick up on the energy of others- even subtle discomfort, irritation, dissatisfaction and the entire gamut of human emotions, but we make the mistake of thinking that they all must be directed towards us. That is where we go wrong and cause unneeded hurt to ourselves and others.

What if that someone ran away from the relationship because they were truly frightened to feel something so deep? What if that person is just genuinely busy, having a hectic time and happens to be unable to write back for a while? Maybe someone's mood is sour because they have a headache, their blood sugar is very low or high, they are self-conscious, or upset at something that has nothing to do with you? Maybe that person doesn't notice you, but maybe they are intimidated by you, or assume you are in a relationship? To every situation there are infinite possibilities. If we choose to take everything personally we only give ourselves an off-putting, negative, paranoid, insecure vibe, which actually will repel the positive people and situations we are hoping to attract.

Next time you are sure the world is out to get you, try and broaden your perspective to include the other possible permutations of the situation. If you don't want someone to be upset with you or reject you, don't reject them by assuming they dislike you every time they breathe in a way that isn't in line with your expectations. Dispel your expectations when you can because they will lead to disappointment, unless they can roll with the unfolding of truth/reality moment to moment.

Believe in yourself, in your goodness, in your lovable qualities, in the fact that you do the best you can each day. When you stop acting like a victim or feeling scared of the opinions of others, you can actually grow in confidence, patience, and beauty every day...

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