Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Living My Life Again

Living My Life Again

By Laura Harrison

It may sound narcissistic, and it may sound vain,

But when you see the same pattern emerge over and over again,

The karma seems to speak for itself,
But what is it saying?

If I'm failing my lesson or
Is it a game that I'm playing?

I'm magnificent and loving,
Blissful in this journey to discover,

But somehow I grew accustomed,
To making space for another,

And because that space existed,
Yet remained empty,

My wholeness was tainted,
And I became lonely,

I finally realized,
To take that space back for me,

That this is my life,
That I should live fully,

And when that someone comes,
He will only add to my joy,

That love shouldn't drain,
That love shouldn't destroy,

My life is whole,
Nothing is missing,

Although I knew that in my brain,
My heart wasn't listening,

I cried out the pain,
Of all those false starts,

Of all those crushed hopes,
And my broken hearts,

And now I can live my life again,
Now I'm completely free,

To be in love with the world,
To cherish the serendipity,

No one had me trapped,
Other then my mind,

And I have grown brighter,
And much more kind.

Love is not love if,
For it I must compromise inner truth,

I learned from those trials,
But I struggled nail and tooth,

Now life my is fulfilling and beautiful, no drama, a smooth flow,

But Life is filled with battle
When ignoring the truth deep down we know.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Letting Go


By Laura Harrison

Letting go, letting go,
Open my fists and let it flow,

Relax my face and chest,
Lay down and rest.

Stop clinging, stop vying for identity,
The profundity, can and will set me free,
From the prison of expectations,
Anticipations, situations
That I allow to define me,
And encompass my reality.

Take a deep breath,
I see,
much more clearly.

Let go, let go,
And openness will show,
That I exist,
Faaaaar beyond all that I resist.
The soul persists.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Rainy Days

RAINY DAYS (Stop Fighting Gravity)

By Laura Harrison

Why do rainy days seem to trigger a softly sad, nostalgic sort of tranquility?

As if we are more acutely aware in our gentleness of our own frailty,
Our own mortality..

Rainy days, gray days, gentle days, many ways,
To open to its fragile flow.

See through the haze,
That changes our focus.

Its as if only on rainy days we know
Life is too short rush
The currents too swift to hush
And in our softness that we can clearly
Feel the deeper meaning of reality.

Rivers and rivulets of energy
Ebbing and flowing creating
Rich tapestries of sensitivity
from who and what we are creates tragedy..

Sometimes only in sickness or emergency,
we surrender our battle against reality,
And only when we stop fighting gravity,

can we ever fly.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

The Journey From Misery (full version)


By Laura Harrison

Don't you realize your world is a reflection of your inner state?

So what do you expect to see in the world if your heart is filled with hate?

So throw your arms up and proclaim, "it's too late"?

Or simply apply yourself to living, try to be alive--

Let go of the addiction to misery,
Like opening a fist wide into the breeze,

Let it blow away.
What did you ever do to yourself to earn such a despise from inside?

Worst thing you did was live in a disguise...
Tried to fit a mold,
Tried too hard to hold,
Onto ideas that weren't yours,
Tried too hard.. To be loved.

Focus on what's good about yourself and your life and you might just be surprised.

It's a long journey from there to here,
And you'll encounter a lot of fear,
The unhappiness doesn't all disappear,
But you will find the beauty in everything.

The journey from misery is a voyage,
We can all choose to take,
But some of us the burdens break
Or some the fear suppresses
The urge to decompress
But everything that's living seeks
Happiness and freedom from suffering

When we hatred inside our form
Our whole world will conform,
To its ugliness, its paranoid jealousy
And it will never set us free.

But at least if we can feel
We may find a path to help us heal
Sewing wounds with threads of acceptance and love

Someday we will realize we are enough
That happiness is not elite
Is not found in objects, nor discreet,

Where you used to seek it outside of you,
realize that the trigger is just a cue,
That you feel happiness inside your heart...

Just remember that it is the hardest part.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

The Journey From Misery


By Laura Harrison

Don't you realize your world is a reflection of your inner state?

So what do you expect to see in the world if your heart is filled with hate?

So throw your arms up and proclaim, "it's too late"?

Or simply apply yourself to living,
Try to be alive--

Let go of the addiction to misery
Like opening a fist wide in the breeze,

Let it blow away.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Stronger and With A New Song


Stronger and with a new song
by Laura Harrison

All spinning on our own paths, I see that you are busy,
I understand that fully, but when I do talk to you I'm dizzy,

When we first met I couldn't see, but I see now it is the lack of truth in your touch,
I don't know that it is even conscious, or if you even feel that much.

Once again I feel alone, but it is mostly my own fault,
because I put my faith in other's actions, instead of in the present by default.

I told myself stories dressed in others' clothes,
it was my own mind that turned the yes's to no's.

That is part of this result, but I didn't create it all,
I can feel what is felt and upspoken, and THAT started the thought-squawl.

you never said you were good for me, I just hoped that you'd be,
but once again my ideas were wrong, but yet not too distant from reality.

When my image of what I had fades and reality sets in like stone,
I feel sobered, and embarassed, and I want to find my way home.

Yet I can't be so hard upon myself, because this is the process,
waking up takes time and patience, dilligence and forgiveness.

And just because it didn't mean what I wanted it to,
doesn't mean what it actually was wasn't true..
it wasn't a mistake to think too much of you.

If I wasn't so taken, mistaken, shaken,
If I didn't let my heart break then,
I wouldn't have been opened up, wouldn't have grown.

I wouldn't have been shown,
and never would have known,
I would still suffer believing in that lie. 

As the falsities crash, shatter like glass,
There is a hot, stinging slap to my heart,

A dark vaccuum in my chest,
a deep and painful unrest,
but when the tears dry, I am freer and I,
see clearer then ever before.
Sadness leaves, and happiness returns to my door. 

The sun shines brighter,
and I am so much lighter,
and so I continue on...

Stronger and with a new song.

Mmmmm Raw Cashew Ranch Dip

Nutritious, reaaaallly delicious, a faux-sour cream based dip for your veggies! Or homemade veggie chips.. Or swiss chard rolls, or creamy spinach salad, and so on! Get creative! ;D

3/4 raw cashew pieces
Juice of 1/2 lemon
Tbsp apple cider vinegar
1 small bell pepper
Salt to taste
Dash black pepper
Onion + garlic powder
Dried dill
Water to make desired thickness

Blend it in your food processor until kingdom come.. Or it becomes smooth.. Whichever comes first! Add enough water to get the consistency you like best. I like to let it soak in the water 5-10 mins before the initial blend, then rest it for a couple mins in between each blending, usually I process it a few times, until its pretty damn smooth! Mmmmm! Delightful and debonair! Enjoy!!!

With Love for All Beings!! Laura
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Pain, the Teacher

Pain, the Teacher

by Laura Harrison

Pain has a way of bringing you right down to your knees,
shredding down your false priorities,
bringing you back to what's real,
everything that ever mattered,
is contained in each moment, right here.

Monday, October 22, 2012

With Lovely Company

with lovely company

by Laura Harrison

I just got comfortable
now its happening again
I can't understand if you're a lover
or just my new best friend

And as much as I love, I can't figure your response
or the way my heart's reacting, as we swiftly changed the course

I have a burning desire, to know what this love means
because it transcends everything, that I've ever seen
ever felt ever known, ever been told about,
I feel like I'm starting fresh, like some sort of scout,
exploring new terrain,
the mountains of the heart,
and learning from the universe what love is truly about.

I understand the learning relationship of the lover-friend,
that's what I've been given lots of,
and i'm not ungrateful, but then
is it selfish to want eventually,
to find a partner, someone that wants to be with me?

I don't expect forever, but I would like today,
and maybe a year or two
to encourage each other's way,

I'm not seeking another half,
because I'm already whole,
I want an equal in all ways,
not to lose myself in the role,
just someone who wants to play,
who also keeps it deep,
so we can cherish each other,
and snuggle when we sleep..

love is amazing, a truly sacred thing,
its just like inspiration,
because it comes when it comes,
and leaves when it leaves,
and there's nothing you can do but choose to ride the wave to shore,
or sit on your hands and choose to ignore
the gift you've been given
the opportunity
to figure out just who you are
with lovely company

I just got comfortable
now its happening again
I can't understand if you're a lover
or just my new best friend
But speak your mind my dear,
make sure you speak your heart
or else you lose your chance
and I can't be waiting on what you may do
or figure out your part

the time is now, here we are,
and if you really love me, then make it clear
I can't be held responsible
because you are held back by your fear

so don't hestitate
because if you do,
then our time has expired, and I can't be to blame
because I was open, my heart was yours,
and you made the choice to alter the course.

Don't Chase, Open Your Arms

Don't Chase, Open Your Arms
by Laura Harrison

Don't chase, how unmistakable it seemed,
When he seemd to be a solid sort of destiny,
but he wasn't what she dreamed,
just a teacher, if she didn't fall in love he wouldn't reach her

but letting go of the idea that he
was your prince charming
takes a little time
or a lot of trust
that life will bring you better then you seek

Don't chase that which runs away from your heart
Stand in the wind, open your arms
spin till your dizzy and the one who will understand your genius will appear
and move towards him without fear

Don't chase, don't try to make her fit
is she just so close but not quite it?
maybe she's there to unlock a piece of you
maybe a teacher, keeping you growing
maybe she'll get you ready for the next true love

but letting go of the idea that she
was supposed be your queen
maybe you didn't know just what the feelings would mean
when you were feeling them
you just don't quite understand love,
none of us do,
not completely...

but its a tapestry, woven with an emotion
vast as the ocean
and just as full of life..
just because you love her now doesn't mean she needs to be your wife
you are your own person, don't let him become your life
lose yourself in love while it lasts, while its mutual,
and if your not on the same page, then don't let your feelings fool you
love comes in many flavors, many degrees,
and thinking there is just one kind and that its solid like forever is a disease

can you open your arms to the one you are falling in love with..
it is truly a trust fall, 
but you don't need to trust the other,
you need to trust your own resilience,
trust life.. trust that you'll hear the call

love is not owning the other,
owning the outcome that you wanted and planned,
love is not choosing a person like an object to have.
love is staying connected to the land underneath your feet.
and losing yourself in the heartbeat, the cosmic music, the flow
the moment, as it is, as it is, not as you'd rather it'd be,
but reality..

the vibrancy, 
that flows through you and me,
it is the fabric of everything.

Don't chase love, make it, in this moment..
you don't need a lover to make love,
you need eyes, open wide to the sky,
you need to breathe the breeze as it carresses you,
you need to move, to run, to play, remember how to groove...

love is here in the moment,
in the eyes of a child,
in the creative passion
coursing through you so wild,
let it set you free..
lose yourself in that sea,
Don't chase love, open your arms,
spinning in the field, get drunk on sky,
lose yourself in the act of living,
lose yourself in all... the love.. you're giving..

when you get lonely you're missing the moment,
not the lover you thought was supposed to be yours
or the adornment... that money can bring,,
love is everything..
and the more I give the more comes back to me..

Don't chase the love they isn't freely given
lose yourself in the life you deem worthy of living
love and play, because each one can be your last day,
it can be as magnificent as a first,
open your arms, stay alive, wide to the sky, don't try
to label or understand...
lose those fists...open your hands...

some days are heavy, baby,
some days are pretty cold,
but open your arms, let the poetry of it flow,
and when it passes through, the sun does shine again,
and you know..

love is everywhere.

Don't chase...

Open wide...

It flows from inside.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Tissue Paper Circles

Tissue Paper Circles

Laura Harrison

The thinnest layers of emotion and sensation,
like a texture so fine, that its far beyond touch,

meshing with the energies around me,
like two tissue paper circles, we overlap to see
a new color formed where our energies meet,
so subtle so fine, so close to impossible to define,

I have to sharpen the skills to discern,
this is a difficult but most intriguing and desirable talent to learn,

peeling back the delicate strata, delicate like a spider's web,
real like steel, trying to understand what I feel..

where do my feelings and energies end,
where do others' begin,
what belongs to whom,
what belongs to the ecosystem of the room,
of the trees,
of the town,
of the people,
each person,
which is them, and which is me?

Each in a split second, I feel so much,
more alive with sensation, so far beyond the touch,
I am honored to be awake to this beginner's state,
some would say I'm early to be here, many would say its late..

but I'm here, and observing,
quickly catching up, quickly learning..

And maybe I will begin to see more clearly,
through my deepest senses, I feel more each day,
but sometimes I don't know what is me,
he, she, and they.

Commentary:  The more conscious we become, and the more we lighten up our energy, the more sensitve we are to that sixth sense of energy.. spirit.. Some people are born with that quality already heightened, or a near-death experience brings it on..  these people are often mediums, empaths, intuitives.. and not everyone uses this skill professionally.. many people are just this way.. many people don't know it or understand it.. And that is very challenging, because our "culture" in America denies the spiritual's genuine existence. So there are many people, myself included, that go through a lot of suffering before they come to understand what they have been experiencing.

We all can feel energy, and we all experience it to some extent, even the most closed people can experience it at times.. Some of us are more sensitive then others.. I'm not as sensitive as many people I know, but more sensitive then most I guess.. and I know it can be hellishly confusing at times, literally feeling your own feelings, plus the feelings of the people near you, plus the energy of the space, the environment, the buildings.. theres energy from all directions, and it can be quite overwhelming. It can make you physically ill, or feel heavy, lethargic, drained of life, depressed, anxious, fearful, or give you things like headaches, stomachaches and the like. Lots of sleep helps.. but it truly is a unique learning curve to aquire and sharpen the skills to discern energy.

The hardest part truly can be to realize where your feelings stop and everyone else's begin...



by Laura Harrison

How can I learn to trust myself
when I have stumbled so many times?

How can I learn to love myself after condemning myself for so many crimes?

But all the times that I have failed
I succeeded in some way
except for the times I ignored my knowing,
and deferred to what others did say.

Trust comes from letting go
from giving up
from being tired of trying to drink
from an empty cup.

We all need to feel loved,
so we mistakenly try to conform,
although no one truly ever wants,
 to embody the everyday norm.

So it sounds trite, but its true,
Be nobody but you

You don't have to try
to embody your vibe

Just lose yourself in the act of being alive

      and over
                and over again..

and trust will grow itself my friend.

Deep honesty is the only path,
and getting lost is the only math.

The compass is your own heart,
and every moment is the perfect one
in which to start.

Taking Less and Giving More

Taking Less and Giving More

by Laura Harrison

take too little and you become bitter
take too much and you get buried under the weight,

taking to little, you get tossed like litter,
taking too much you are filled with hate,

But if you can find the edge,
like the shoreline always changing,
and if you can find the balance point,
although its constantly rearranging

If you can find the poem
and the sparkle in each moment,
you can have a moving joy..

one in times of trouble
           times of pain
           times of sun
       & times of rain

If you can learn to take just what you need, to keep your heart overflowing,

Your life becomes your masterpiece,
and your passion becomes a knowing,
your actions are the showing

of who you truly are

and giving more then you take

will take you extraordinarily far.

Bodhisattva Vow

Bodhisattva Vow

by Laura Harrison

I open my heart wide

as if my body were just sky

in fact I know it has become light...           
                                                             once again..

I offer myself to feel everything

if I can have just two things-

Always to be in touch with the spacious freedom of my own heart...

and the blessing to always know where others end and I start...

This living light, this adorable bliss,

I will cultivate ecstacy, to shine on all who exist,

I will talk to and recognize the consciousness in the entire world of form,

and may the light of my remembering, free them from their prison of ignoring.

Circular Path Home

Circular Path Home
by Laura Harrison

Spiraling, Spiraling onward,
full circle doesn't leave you at square one.

The ebbs and flows and cycles of creation and dissoution,

The spiral path leads us even deeper, closer to the wholeness that we seek

You ARE rediscovering who you always were, and that you are who you wished to be.

You are exploring uncharted realms of consciousness,
in a free-floating, open-sea roam,

With every turn, lost and found,
bringing you around,
in an endless circular path home.

We Can Only Unearth Together by Laura Harrison

I had to lose myself to find myself again,
If I didn't come through all that hurt I wouldn't have the zen,

If I didn't spend those years feeling so all alone,
I wouldn't know how to cherish each moment to the bone,
I wouldn't know how to kiss you like crazy when you come home,
I wouldn't know how to become free when I roam,

It's funny how every relationship and every friend has given me a clue,
& as I piece them all together they're adding up to you.

I don't know you, haven't met you,
but when I do I won't soon forget you,
All these leads and inbetweens I don't soon regret, true..
But I can't say I won't be glad to let you      in..

I'm too connected to the real to ever I know,
exactly how my life is going to go..
Some people find life-long love while,
if I could find Real Love for even a few years I'd smile.

I recognize paths come together and part,
and that even when its over you'll be in my heart,

a relationship of any sort is a mutual shaping...

at best you'll each go deeper and find
pieces of yourself you never knew were missing,

But more times then not there comes a place,
and although those memories can't be replaced,
There is s difficult truth that must be faced...

Your path is yours and mine is mine,
and although it hurts to let go
we have to if we each wish to continue to shine.

and you are always a piece of me,
and I am always a piece of you,
and our mutual shaping colors everything we do.

So Love, though I haven't met you,
and though my life is mine,
I can't wait until I see you see me,
although until then I'm more then fine,
the longing fuels my me-ness
and gives me bittersweet joy,
I have all of Nature to love me,
and I have my baby boy.

Yet Nature has no arms,
doesn't smell like a man,
doesn't hold me in loving strength,
or sweetly take my hand.

Although I know this love is wrapped
around me like a sweater,

I love to feel it reflected in your eyes,
see it written in your face,
hear it in your honest words,
and in our initial chase.

I can't wait to see you see me,
or feel you fall in love with me,
and for us to find the piece of ourselves
that we can only unearth together.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

I Found These Precious Things by Laura Harrison

I knew you were never mine,
I never asked to own you anyway,
But the lines were blurry and undefined,
and I still don't fully understand that day..

I know that your heart is right,
she will return a piece of you,
Although I cannot promise how it will go, it will come to light..

Friend or lover, how she will fit in your life,
If you'll love each other, if you'll hate each other,
If someday she'll be your wife,

I cannot know these things,
And even when you meet,
The lines may be blurred for you,
But your journey is purposeful,
it will give you what you seek.

It may last a day, a month, or years,
But you are right so throw away your fears..

Each love, each friend and each event,
has been a stepping stone,
I can paint you the story,
of how each one lead me to the next home,
A masterpiece of color and texture, love and pain, sweeping curves, spirals, pouring with passion like rain..
dynamic, the portrait of my life's journey.. Each one revealing more pieces of myself to me, pieces I never knew were gone, pieces I'd lost, forgot.. Pieces I longed for, pieces I missed a lot..pieces that could set me free.

Branches like a creek, pouring into bigger streams, coming into rivers, leading to the sea...everything is Always far more profound than it seems. A deeper and deeper expression of wholeness flooding my senses, as I open myself and disarm my defenses. As every fraction of my being becomes conscious and all my pieces found, I can be who I am, and get lost in the ecstatic sound.

There were very important pieces,
Beautiful parts of me,
And I had lost them over time,
Forgotten that they were my qualities,

I ached and was often hollow,
Or bound by invisible strings,
And just because you came into my life,
I found these precious things..

I am still bringing them into sharper focus,
Remembering how I used to be,
Although I am not going back,
But stepping forward through my destiny,

My lovely light is so much brighter,
And I am so much more alive,
I cut the threads that bound me,
Because you have arrived.

The journey of life it seems,
Is to become conscious + free,
To discover who you are this time,
Finding pieces like treasure in the hearts,the smiles, discovering your destiny..
Finding yourself reflected in the mirrors of bright beings,
And loving them and you,
You live your life like art,
Play the part you've been assigned,
Questioning how you've been defined,
Allow your heart-compass to get you realigned.

Both sacred and just playfulness,
Play the role, don't fight yourself,
live your love, open wide,
You have nothing to fear,
Life is on your side.

I'd be selfish not to get down on my knees,
And express the gratitude of everything life has given to me,
Not the least of which is you,
Or the miracle of the path,
Of getting lost and found,
Or the pieces he gave back to me,
That brought me around,
To the place where I met you, again and again,

I love you, and I'm deeply grateful, to you my dear friend.

Friday, October 19, 2012

One Weekend By Laura Harrison

One Wonderful Weekend,
I made a new friend,
I saw him before,
 his energy intrigued me,
but not enough to worry,
but I did want more.

I wanted to be all alone in the crowd,
wear my anonymity like a shroud,
I wasn't in much of a mood,
yet everywhere I turned,
another person I sort of knew.
they didn't know me at all.

Another corner, another twist,
I didn't want it, but I didn't resist.
smiles were handed to me,
they warmed my heart,
waged war on my tormented belly.
I was along for the ride.

I didn't understand the way I reacted,
I didn't expect that I'd be attracted.
Little did I know what would follow,
when I detected a hint of accent,
in the digits of a number I never knew I'd know
or where it would go.

So I lived a weekend in a delightful place
I witnessed myself in a surreal haze
first repelled then attracted,
pursued, and distracted
and just when my heart bloomed
I learned I was wrong.

But while I wished that the sweetness would last,
I was quickly freed from my past,
and now I am free to start again.
one dizzying weekend cleaned the slate
and now I have to meet myself and start my life all over again...

thanks to a new and wonderful friend.

You On Your Path, Me On Mine by Laura Harrison

Once again
I must accept
letting go of contempt
accepting my own frailty
its when I lose myself I set myself free...

walking.. breathing...
I have no room for seething..
no acceptance of drama, created by dogma
this saga
is interrupted by all I'm holding
as a concept or a precept or a rule I created for myself

can I accept that I may find in something dead that which the living are not providing

it takes time to let the old ways quit me, the slower path lit by serendipity,
the fast one ravenous fire

desire isn't wrong, its only natural to long
so long to all the old views
and see how long it took you
to walk the spirals
learn that all these ebbs and flows
that how it goes

and that happiness isn't without the agony of longing

a tinge of bittersweet, make the time when we meet much sweeter, my dear..
love's not complete if we assume its last forever.. for the feelings will certainly change,
all matter does rearrage,
your child will grow,
the flower of your passion may die,
as paths converge,
they also diverge,
so to not celebrate this completely is to take it for granted

so for now I will admit my own limitaions
and deviations from rules that need not exist
so yet again, life persists,
and it is steadfast in resolute,
in its lack of definition,
stone-walls, absolutes, or black and white..

and you, my dearest love, may just misunderstand what it is to fight..
don't fight the nature of your heart, don't fight your truth,
even if it defies your rules, or defies and proof..

fight against the fear and false ideas,
self-consciousness as a disease,
life should be lived in joyous ease,
but that doesn't always mean doing just as we please..

I'm not advocating hedonism,
I'm not advocating masochism,
but the solution to your schism,
lies in the places inbetween,
invisible and unseen..

life is rejoicing, creativity is for voicing,
letting go of the show that would impress,
letting go of the constriction of stress,
accepting the mess of reality,
embracing the loneliness,
dancing with the bliss,
opening your chest wider to every sensation,
whether you enjoy it or not,

flying from the place where you are,
getting over the fear or urge for preparedness,
you aren't unworthy,
you are just unaware,
of your own precious worth,
proven by the simple fact of your birth..

you came to this world for work and mirth,
a soul playing a role for a while..
don't get so uptight,
because it is all both sacred and silly play
live this day like a brilliant and wise child,
eyes wide, ever-wild,
joyous, in the fascination of each moment's consumation,
of all things purposeful and divine,
you on your path,
and me on mine.